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DEAR JON LETTERS
Fads, Mac Users and Vegetarians
Sort 262 bashes the metric system.

by Dear Jon
April 20, 2004

ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

What is "bullet time?" Is it anything like "Hammer time?"

Sincereley,
Funky G
 
Dear G,
 
Both measure the duration of fads in the public consciousness. The English standard ratio is 3.65 hammers per bullet, and one bullet every 17.5 months, unless one of the Februarys is longer: then it is one bullet every 17.495 months.
 
Everyone knows that this English system is completely logical. All we have to do is memorize the units of measure. But along comes the “metric” system, invented by scheming Bolsheviks to undercut the time-honored traditions of the marketplace. This diabolical scheme divides everything into units of ten. Wanton progressive communists have been using metrics in Europe and Canada for thirty years.
 
In the metric system, there are ten mallets to a pellet, and one pellet every year. Those stupid socialists always have to confuse everything.

 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I am getting frustrated with my old PC, and I am considering getting a new one. For some strange reason, I feel I am being lured to a Mac. Should I give in to this temptation or continue to scoff Mac users as pinko-hippie liberals who are all about "graphics," and embrace the "real world" of IBM clones?

Old Hack
 
Dear Hack,
 
It is a reflection of the priorities in our public school system that they are the chief users of Macintosh Computers, as they equip their students to be utterly inept in a world of IBM clones.
 
Back in the day we used Apple II’s in High School, and then more Macs in college. It did me no favors. The working environment is an IBM environment and that is the truth. For a lot of years I carried around a lot of worthless Mac-formatted computer disks filled with information I could not transfer or download.
 
What are your goals? To be pretty, or to communicate? To look good, or to conduct business? To be a snob, or to be a team-player?
 
Think of Mac-Users as vegetarians. They have their convictions about what is best, but if they want to get invited to the banquet, they had better not complain about the menu. Just as a lot of vegetarians have meat-eaters for friends, it is also possible that Mac-users might have IBM-clone users for friends. Smart Mac-user knows when to politely keep quiet.
 
Besides, since 1995, software companies have been developing friendlier user interfaces for IBM clones. The Mac might be fun to have on the side for some desk top publishing stuff, but if you are serious about business, you will have to include an IBM clone in your technology.
 
If you want to think outside the box, why not get a Linux too?



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