Translations from Candidate Bush
What Barnabas heard in Bush's acceptance speech.
September 8, 2004
What Candidate Bush said looks like this.
"We will build a safer world and a more hopeful America."
"My father served eight years at the side of another great American, Ronald Reagan." And was smart enough to keep his mouth shut for eight years.
"[Reagan’s] spirit of optimism and good will and decency are in this hall and are in our hearts and will always define our party."
"Two months from today, voters will make a choice based on the records we have built."
"The convictions we hold"
"The vision that guides us forward"
"... we passed the most important federal education reform in history."
"I believe in the energy and innovative spirit of America's workers, entrepreneurs, farmers and ranchers, so we unleashed that energy with the largest tax relief in a generation."
"Because we acted, our economy is growing again and creating jobs."
"If America shows uncertainty or weakness in this decade, the world will drift toward tragedy."
"This will not happen on my watch."
"I am running with a compassionate conservative philosophy: that government should help people improve their lives, not try to run their lives."
"Our nation's founding commitment is still our deepest commitment: In our world, and here at home, we will extend the frontiers of freedom."
"... my plan will encourage investment and expansion by restraining federal spending, reducing regulation and making the tax relief permanent."
"I will lead a bipartisan effort to reform and simplify the federal tax code."
I will ensure every poor county in America has a community or rural health center."
"... we will make sure that health decisions are made by doctors and patients."
"Comp-time and flex-time."
"We are transforming our schools by raising standards and focusing on results. We are insisting on accountability, empowering parents and teachers, and making sure that local people are in charge of their schools."
"Fortunately, we had a resolute president named Truman who, with the American people, persevered, knowing that a new democracy at the center of Europe would lead to stability and peace."
About the Author:
Barnabas thinks that Candidate Bush's speech was absurd but not at all funny.
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