THE BULL AND THE BIZARRE
L.A. City Council Bans 'Silly String'
Warning: sarcasm alert.
by Richard 'Mr. Moo' Moore
September 12, 2004
I love government. It has evolved to protect the citizens. I can feel so much safer now. My children are headed for Southern California at just the right time. Thank God for the Los Angeles City Council. They will protect us from all weapons of mess and destruction. Yes, friends of Mr. Moo. By a vote of 10 to 0, the L.A. City Council has banned (drum roll please) “silly string”.
One columnist asked the question: Have the bumper stickers been printed that say “YOU'LL GET MY SILLY STRING WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS!”?
This past month, August 17 to be exact, the council voted to outlaw the use of “silly string” on Halloween. (Another sticker recommended: WHEN SILLY STRING IS OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE SILLY STRING) You know; the gooey, string like foam that comes in a plethora of glow in the dark colors.
Councilman Tom LaBonge, sponsor of the ban, defended his actions by saying he wants to stop violence and protect the environment. Sure. LaBonge, speaking through a spokesperson (couldn’t keep a straight face, eh?) said that the shooting of the messy string and cause fights at parties. "People get a little crazed at the end of the evening, and they shoot the spray into each other's faces." Sure.
Here comes the third sticker idea from another colleague: SILLY STRING DOESN'T START FIGHTS -- PEOPLE DO.
The punishment for use of the substance out of control on Halloween is up to $1,000. First offence. Dare we ask if three strikes and you’re out?
“Well, it’s not biodegradable” some have charged. And as far as the council is concerned the ban doesn’t go far enough. Councilman Bernard Parks, speaking with a local TV station: "We have the same problem during the Martin Luther King Jr. parade and a variety of open events that create a major clean-up problem once the event is over. I would like to see if we could expand this."
It starts with one day and before you know it, it’s a law in effect for all year long. And why should we stop in Los Angeles?
I wish I had thought about those bumper stickers. They are probably at the printers already and they will be a big hit.
About the Author:
Mr. Moo is headed for the store this weekend to buy as much silly string as he can afford. He is drooling as he dreams about the profit he can make by selling this stuff on the black market.
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