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DEAR JON LETTERS
The Future of 'Futurama'
Sort 276 is also concerned about the future of America.

by Dear Jon
September 14, 2004

ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Did you ever 'Report for Duty'? Is it a good idea for people to enlist in the military?

Potential Freedom Fighter
 
Dear Pot,
 
I never served in the military. I seriously thought about it in 1990, after Iraq attacked Kuwait. I was a junior in college at the time. In fact, I resolved in January 1991 that if Saddam Hussein’s desperate ploy of bombing Israel with SCUDs worked, and the war widened, I was signing up. A week later it was all over, which means I was not needed.
 
You recall that when the United States invaded Afghanistan to destroy Osama bin Laden’s support base, I composed a patriotic hymn to the tune of “Harvest Home.” The first words are “Bomb the jihad, Yankees bomb!” I am not a pacifist.
 
Neither do I support the neo-conservative vision for a new world order, which involves railroading over the civil liberties of Americans, picking on enemies already defeated, and waging “pre-emptive” war on premises that are patently false. As late as Friday, September 10, Donald Rumsfeld was asserting that the war in Iraq was a campaign in the War on Terror. (His taped comments were showed verbatim on CNN.) These neo-con clowns don’t need Mike Moore editing their statements to look like the idiots they are.
 
I do not understand how the electorate can continue to support the President, who has demonstrated incompetence as a commander-in-chief.  The “bring it on” gloating to “insurgents” (i.e. Iraqis who want their country back) should have been enough to demand his impeachment, while the outrages of Abu Ghraib demonstrate what occurs top-down when memos and directives are issued that claim that the United States is above the international law of the Geneva Conventions. In another era, i.e. thirty years ago, our President would have been lucky to have escaped a prison sentence.
 
I believe that the military should be boycotted by all potential recruits until responsibility and trust are returned to the executive branch. Meanwhile, I support the troops who are serving.
 
I’m sorry. Was I supposed to be funny? The abject cluelessness of the voting public that is prevalent right now has spoiled my good humor.

 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Why is it that a show like "Futurama" can be killed off by moving it around until no one knows when it's on, yet a show like "King of the Hill" can survive the same fate? Also is "Beavis & Butthead" still going? What happened to them?

TV Watcher
 
Dear TV,
 
It is all a plot to keep Matt Groening creating “Simpsons” episodes. I am waiting for an episode in which planet Earth explodes at the end. Then we come back next week to see how that is dealt with, since FOX will NEVER let “The Simpsons” go.
 
“Futurama” appeals to the Science Fiction (Sci-Fi) “niche” audience, whereas “King of the Hill” is a mainstream animated sit-com. The Sci-Fi “niche” audience is huge, but not huge enough to keep quality Sci-Fi on the major networks. This is why Sci-Fi fans must resort to programs syndicated on UHF and cable channels. In my opinion one of these should pick up "Futurama."

[The Webmaster notes: "Futurama" can be seen on The Cartoon Network at 11:30 PM ET Monday-Thursday as of this writing.]
“Beavis and Butthead”? You mean, “What happened to MTV?”
 
I am hoping that your questions will be an inspiration to a PO lurker who was author of the excellent column “Program Notes” concerning television.

 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

We've not heard from Jon Deer in quite a long time. Is he still alive? What is he up to? Will we ever hear his epic verses again?

Long-Time Reader
 
Dear Long,
 
As far as I know he is tanking up on more Starbuck’s® specialty drinks and waiting for his next series of apocalyptic visions.

 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I want to start my own advice column in the newspaper, but I don't know where to start. I am a male, and I want to be an advice columnist like you, only I'm only 13, but I'm a really good writer. What should I do?

-Young Columnist
 
Dear Young,
 
Do your homework. Eat your peas. Get fresh air every day. Read more than you watch television. Read more than you write. Read good stuff more than bad stuff. Comic books generally will not help you learn to write well.
 
Write for the school newspaper. Suggest to its editor that you would like to start an advice column. Be prepared to write letters to yourself at least at the beginning.
 
If your school does not have a newspaper, ask your English teacher, your principal, or whatever representative you have in your form of student government, about getting one started. If you become the editor, you can assign yourself the advice column.
 
If you are not yet in High School (chances are you are in eighth grade) your idea for getting a newspaper started probably will not fly. No big deal. Do your homework. Eat your peas. Get fresh air every day. And next year go to a high school that has a newspaper.


About the Author:
Dear Jon wrote for his high school's newspaper.


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