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THE BULL AND THE BIZARRE
I see England, I See France, I see Virginia's Underpants
The Commonwealth says 'Pull Up Your Pants or Pay the Fine.'

by Richard 'Mr. Moo' Moore
February 13, 2005

Some people would think that I love finding the absurd actions of government. But it really is sad in many ways. I don’t enjoy finding these stupid bills except to point out that members of the legislatures seem to want to dictate our every step in life. If they would focus on the important, I’d be out of a position to write my column.

In the past year, I have been able to look at the federal government for stupidity in legislation. I have enjoyed the look a do-gooders in local politics even more, hoping that these folks will not move on to higher office. From the Los Angeles ban of silly string to illegalization of spinning wheel covers in Iowa, there is plenty to examine.

Enters the House of Delegates in the great Commonwealth of Virginia. This past Tuesday, a bill was passed authorizing a fine of $50 for anyone who displays his or her underpants in a “lewd or indecent manner”. The legislation passed with almost 2/3 vote. What are these folks thinking about?

OK, just a few questions to the delegates.

  1. Why was the debate on the floor of the house focused on racial issues? One opponent said that the measure would force parents of young blacks to take time off of work to accompany their kids to court. (I guess kids of different ethnicity don’t wear there pants low and their underwear high.) Is that the best reason we can come up with for defeating this measure?
     
  2. Who is going to be issuing the citations? The police? Do the cops have that much free time in Virginia to be focused on fashion?
     
  3. One delegate said that his constituents were “offended by exposed underwear.” Here we go again. Offensive behavior or attire is the justification to write a law and force police to turn away from serious issues such as not wearing seatbelts (yes, I say that tongue in cheek) and focus on Hanes Her Way.
     
  4. If something is offensive does that mean it should be an offense?
     
  5. Who defines lewd or indecent?

So I am beginning to try to find some allies on this issue. The plumber’s union should be on board with me. They have been running around with low hanging pants for years. Personally, the crack is more offensive than the underpants. (But not illegal) And poor, Sponge Bob Squarepants. First James Dobson saying he is gay and now being threatened with a fine in Virginia.

To the House of Delegates, go to work on things that matter. There has to be more important issues that are in the Commonwealth than underwear.



About the Author:
I'll tell you about the author as soon as I pull up my pants. Ahh there. The author is glad these folks weren't around when he wore polyester suits, silky shirts, and bell bottoms that covered his shoes. We won’t talk about the hair.


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