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THE BULL AND THE BIZARRE
Martha, Martha, Martha
We have missed you so!

by Richard 'Mr. Moo' Moore
March 6, 2005

This week was filled with Martha, Martha, Martha. To me it was as irritating as the Brady Bunch when family members would say Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Enough already. Is all the hoopla deserved? Yeah, I know, she went to serve her prison time before it was ordered by the courts. She continued to make headlines and finished her time in jail with a computer altered photo on Newsweek, among other things. We’re told that Camp Cupcake will never be the same and neither will Martha.

Camp Cupcake was the scene of classes on how to start a business or yoga being taught by the domestic diva. She was also heard to be walking the grounds of the prison looking for crab apples and dandelion greens in order to make a salad. The New York Post ran an article detailing that Martha was stealing spices out of the kitchen at jail, hiding them in her bra. The caption read “Nice Spice Rack”. Martha, Martha, Martha.

While in prison, deals were being made in order to keep her in the spotlight for quite a while. Two televisions series, including one that will look like The Apprentice will begin filming later this year. You might want to say, “Watch out Donald!” but since Trump co-owns the show, it’s an opportunity for him to make some more money. You can imagine who will buy up the advertising time on the show. Martha this and Martha that and Martha the other thing. With the merger of K-Mart(ha) and Sears, her products will be marketed by the two retailers with little negotiating needed from the lady herself.

So what happens now. Will there be a series of DVD’s released and sold on an infomercial featuring the best of Martha? It’ll be a three pack of Martha. The best of Martha in the kitchen. The best of Martha cleaning the house. The best of Martha sprucing up the outside. Oh, no, it’s Martha, Martha, Martha!

Well, with five months of prison time behind her, she’s free, sort of. The next five months, she’ll spend being monitored by an ankle bracelet, observing her every location. She will be restricted to home except for 48 hours every week for “work, grocery shopping and church”. So says the press release. Mmm?

But don’t worry friends. She will be back on the talk show circuit soon. She will be back to the Food channel. She will be back to NBC for the Apprentice. And Martha will be carried on a channel coming into your living room. And Martha will be coming to your house in a magazine. And Martha will be coming to your in house via your daily newspaper. You can bet on that. Or her name isn’t Martha, Martha, Martha.



About the Author:
Mr. Moo, Moo, Moo will be waiting with credit card in hand for the DVD's to go on sale. NOT!


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