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THE BULL AND THE BIZARRE
Golfers Gone Wild
Gentleman's Club sponsored golf outing gives new meaning to 'above par'

by Richard 'Mr. Moo' Moore
August 7, 2005

It's a beautiful day in the suburbs of Chicago. It's a perfect day to sit outside your condo on the patio and look out over the luscious green grasses of the neighboring golf course. It's great to sit back with a glass of lemonade and watch the ball go flying through the air and land on the green. But for one Chicagoland teacher, with her glance toward the course this week, noticed that there was more lying on the green than a golf ball. Dancers from a gentleman's club were on hand to motivate and to cheer on the golfers.
 
Being a good neighbor, she called the golf course to verify that her eyes were not deceiving her. Following her conversation to the course, she called the police of Naperville. Uniformed officers showed up at the course but found nothing out of the ordinary. Of course, since inappropriate behavior was reported, under(the)cover, plain clothed officers were called in. None of the officers witnessed anything that would grounds for arrest.
 
If the course management and police were not enough to be involved, the mayor's office was called in. Mayor George Pradel was embarrassed about all of the publicity that was being given to the incident. You see, the mayor is running around all chest puffed out after being selected as third breast, ah, best place in the country to live by Money magazine. Pradel was quoted as saying "My heart is broken because this is a family city and I wouldn't want anything to disrupt that … this (incident) takes a little of the air out of my balloon."
 
And if the course management, police force, and the mayor's office weren't enough, the teacher observing the suspected bad behavior videotaped the incident and turned the tape over to a local TV station. The police are trying to get the tape (no doubt). Supposedly the tape shows women doing lap dances for golfers and lying on the green in seductive positions, among other things.
 
Now I am sure that the golf course figured something might happen because afterall, the  event was sponsored by Blackjack's Gentleman's Club in South Elgin (another suburb of Chicago). You don't have to use both sides of your brain to figure out that something may happen over in the trees. Besides the event proved there is more than one place in Chicagoland that should have been named to Country Club Hills.
 
The teacher said that another thing that concerned her was that some of the patios in her condo building were being occupied by children checking out the greens. This is not the type of education that the children of Naperville should be receiving.
 
There may be one bright side to the incident. If Playboy was looking for a follow-up to their features such as the girls of the SEC (featuring students of universities of the Southeast Conference) or beauties of the Big 12, I may have an idea.
 
The caddies of Chicagoland.
 
Nancy from Naperville. Samantha of Schaumburg. Allison of Arlington Heights. Beth of Bollingbrook. Laura of Libertyville. Paula of Prospect Heights.
 
No matter what happens in the investigation of Country Lakes Golf Club, I'm sure of two things. There will be plenty of late night humor from Naperville. And an increased interest in golf in the Chicagoland area.   


About the Author:
Mr. Moo is pretty sure the teacher involved will think twice about having the students writing a theme called “what I saw on my summer vacation”.


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