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DEAR JON LETTERS
Med Students or Druggies? Cyborgs or Clones?
The Deep Questions of Our Generation.

by Dear Jon
August 9, 2005

ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I am a 23 year old female who is in a dilemma. I've been dating a medical school resident for the past 3 months, he's 27, we don't get to see each other a lot, but when we do we have fun. I just recently met a guy through my ex boyfriend who is really funny, we get along great, he's 24, he's a waiter, but now he's unemployed, he does do, occasionally, recreational drugs, but we get along, and we practically hang out everyday, when we met, we met as a blind date, and we hit it off right away, at the time, he had a girlfriend, and he knew that I had a boyfriend too, but then he told me he broke up with her, because he had a better time with me. What should I do? Do you think he'll cheat on me, being that he cheated on his ex with me? Please help me.

Terribly confused
 
Dear Terri,
 
Are you kidding me? You want me to believe that you are struggling to choose between a medical school resident and a drug-abusing two-timing unemployed waiter?
 
 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Okay I will start off by saying that I am a very confused and stressed out person about my problem. Here it is. I have been dating this guy for 4 years and even though we have been together for a very long time I feel as though the relationship feels more like a friendship. We haven't been intimate with each other in a long time and we just act like friends. He has problems with fulfilling my personal needs and wants and when I tell him about it he just doesn't seem to care or want to change.

I met this other guy at work and found out him and I have a lot in common and we get along great. He really wants to be with me and we have started to hang out a lot and really start to like each other. He does all the right things and gives me the things I have been missing out of my other relationship. I feel terrible but we have been seeing a lot of each other and I really feel like he could be the one.
 
Even if my boyfriend now was to change I don't know if I would want to stay with him. I love him but more on a brother level. We have been together for a long time but the magic and spark left a long time ago.

I really don't know what to do and how to choose. One guy I am comfortable with and the other makes me feel so special and like he could be the one for me. What do I do and if I choose to let my boyfriend of 4 years go how should I let him down?

Sincerely,
Scared and confused
 
Dear Red,
 
You're confused? I'm confused. It's been four years and there is no rock on your finger, and you think he still might be the guy?
 
My rule of thumb is, when you break up, make it a clean break. After four years and no talk of plans for getting legal, it is time to move on, whether or not you got some dude waiting in the wings, which, lucky you, is exactly what you have. If your four-year deadbeat gets weird in a scary way, get a restraining order. It doesn't sound like he'd be the type to freak out, though. A part of him might even welcome the break as a relief.
 
I mean, speaking as a guy and everything, four years is a LONG time to string along a relationship. I know people like to talk about guys being "commitment challenged" and things like that. Seriously, when the man knows he wants to be with the woman for the rest of his life, he knows. Among all my married friends courtships only lasted four years before marriage if there was a really good reason, like, she needed to get her diploma first.
 
 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Would it be better to be turned into a cyborg or be cloned?

Sincerely,
Sci-Fi Guy
 
Finally, a good question that readers of Dear Jon struggle with on a daily basis!
 
Steve Austin, the "bionic" man on the show The Six Million Dollar Man proved that machinery can improve human function. So I would rather not choose. I would rather be turned into a cyborg and THEN cloned.
 
Think of the possibilities! One hundred cyborg Dear Jons connected by cable directly to the webmaster's host computer for the Partial Observer, transmitting valuable advice at the speed of thought. New articles published hourly! Graphics added to the Encyclopedia of Stuff Everybody Needs to Know and Nothing Else! And if Dear Jon had a cyborg stomach, I could work 24 hours a day! The webmaster would never have to worry about a missed deadline, or even if Dear Jon needs to eat anything!
 
That opens up a whole world of possibilities. Imagine a "minority report" scenario where young ladies wanting to know if unemployed drug-users are better prospects than medical residents, could get 99 Dear Jon's saying "Are you kidding?" but one Dear Jon saying, "Hey kiddo. Follow your heart. Your unemployed waiter is a project kind of guy and maybe YOU can CHANGE him! Maybe YOU can SAVE him! You have THAT much pure love in your heart, don't you??? And love conquers all, RIGHT???"
 
Not. On this one it's a one hundred percent read-out. Not even Tom Cruise found a minority report.
 
E N D  T R A N S M I S S I O N


About the Author:
Considering all the rotten co-dependent advice that appears in chat rooms as the naive answer the questions of their peers, Dear Jon hopes the P.O. will remain unlike any other place on the internet.


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