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THE HOROSCOPE OF BEL-DARIUS JONAS, CHALDEAN MAGI
Horoscope for Week of September 9
Attn.: Concerned American

by Jon Deer
September 9, 2001

Horoscope for Week of September 9_Jon Deer-Attn.: "Concerned American" Hello fans! We certainly are generating a lot of energy out there! Unfortunately, the letter from this person, who once again sent this epistle to my colleague, shows that he is not thinking enough happy thoughts. Let's all meditate happy thoughts for "Concerned American." He writes:

"Dear Jon,"

I see you keep sending my letters to that New Age wacko, Jon Deer. Obviously, you think my letters are jokes, but I am just trying to prevent America's youth from being subverted into an amoral anarchy! Just look at our youth today! Tell me they're not being influenced by some sort of subliminal messages!

My guess is that it's the Russians! That "collapsing" of the Soviet Union was just a clever facade, lulling us into looking the other way until it's too late! I bet you and that Jon Deer fellow are Communist sympathizers! Probably agents in the "defunct" KGB!

REALLY Concerned American


Dear REALLY:

My, don't we have issues. The thing you REALLY need to be "concerned" with is your blood-pressure. I suggest a regimen of oriental massage, aroma therapy, and happy thoughts.

I am no communist, thank you very much. It's a very soulless belief system, not at all liberating to the consciousness. I am a "communalist," of course, but that's very different. In terms of politics, my goal is the restoration of the Atlantean Monarchy, with the important caveat that we respect the dignity of the Titans, rather than enslaving them, which was our mistake 100,000 years ago.

The restoration cannot be to a genetic descendant, of course, since the progeny of the Lords of Flame have become equally distributed through the Aryan races. Rather, the succession is through consciousness, much as occurs with identifying the Buddha. Who is the Reincarnated Lord of Atlantis? That is the question. And if his soul has been reborn in a Russian, should that matter to you, silly?

So remember, REALLY Concerned American, that somewhere among the youth of today, could be the wandering soul of the Last Lord of Atlantis. Anyway, to address your concerns, you are just a moralistic, paranoid prude. Just what is wrong with 10 year-olds piercing their navels and memorizing lyrics about liberated sexuality and freedom from moral constraint? There's nothing "subliminal" about it, all the messages sound pretty obvious to me. Don't think of the messages as "subliminal." Think of them as "sublime."

Now on to other things, Readers. This story ran from the associated press on August 28, and I am NOT making this up: The Astrological Institute of Scottsdale, Arizona, has "won accreditation from a federally recognized body..." This will allow the school to "seek approval from the Department of Education for its students to get federal grants and loans." This 10 course program includes a "master class on the asteroid goddesses," and awards one degree: a diploma in astrology and psychology.

Keep thinking those thoughts! Now on to the horoscope, as I channel Bel-Darius Jonas, the Chaldean Magi.

Aries: You will be exposed as a sham when you are unable to reproduce the images in your king's mind.

Taurus: Although a Jewish sage will save your hide, you will be inflamed with envy because he was able to reproduce the images in the king's mind, and you have known all along that you are a worthless, conniving charlatan.

Gemini: Your will nurse your grudge for years.

Cancer: Under the new regime, your plans to destroy your rival will fall apart when, for no good reason, the lions decide they don't want to eat him.

Leo: Wait, King, you don't want to do this! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Vir--

Dear Readers. Um, sorry, but for some reason I was channeling a trauma close to the end of Bel-Darius's life and I lost the connection. Please think for me. Think really hard. I'm calling my therapist right away.

About the Author:
Jon Deer channels spirits, including Bel-Darius Jonas, a Magi from the court of King Nebuchadnezzar.


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