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Don’t You Want Me Baby? Don’t You Want Me, Ohhh…
There ain’t no cure for 'song-stuck-in-your-head' blues

by Dr. Spin
June 2, 2003

Don’t You Want Me Baby? Don’t You Want Me, Ohhh…_Dr. Spin-There ain’t no cure for 'song-stuck-in-your-head' blues Dr. Spin,

Who is the worst vocalist, Bob Dylan or Neil Young?

Had An Earful

Dear Had,

Given those choices, I prefer the nasally twang of Bob Dylan over the nasally whine of Neil Young. But hands down the worst singer (at least that I know of) is Tom Waits, who wrote “Downtown Train.” If you’ve never heard Waits, imagine your grandfather clearing his throat. Now imagine someone singing with that sound. It is one of the great phenomenons of music that some of the best songwriters have the worst voices.

Dear Dr. Spin,

I have that stupid ‘70’s instrumental “Popcorn” stuck in my head (if you know the song, you know how annoying it is). How do I stop it?

Hating “Popcorn”

Dear Jerk,

Thank you very much. Yes, I do know the song, and now I have it stuck in MY HEAD. Never tell anybody you have a song stuck in your head, especially someone with a vast knowledge of music; it is like coughing on someone when you have a contagious disease.

Though there is no scientific proof, I believe the more annoyingly banal a song is, the more likely it will get stuck in your head and drive you crazy. I remember a time in the ‘90’s when Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me” got stuck in my head for three days and I nearly went insane. People want to write off such music as innocuous pop, but I believe these songs are part of a huge government experiment in mind control. When I hear of the FBI, ATF, and other agencies using loud Rock music as a psychological tactic to drive suspects out of heavily armed bunkers, all I can think is they would simply have to put Culture Club’s “Karma Chameleon” on continuous loop, and most people would surrender within a half hour. Of course, judges may consider that cruel and unusual punishment, so perhaps this is why government agencies stick to Heavy Metal.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for the “song-stuck-in-your-head” syndrome, other than thinking of a more annoying song to get stuck in your head. Other short-term remedies are to listen to something else, something you actually enjoy, in hopes it will drive the annoying song away, or just waiting the song out. Or you could tell someone what song you have in your head, in hopes he or she will get the song stuck in his or her head, supporting the “misery loves company” idea, and you can commiserate together. I have opted for the first choice, and now have “Don’t You Want Me” stuck in my head again.

C’mon, everybody now!
“You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar/When I met you…”

About the Author:
Dr. Spin attributes the fall of Communism to the introduction of Culture Club and Human League to Eastern Block youth in the late '80's.

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