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A Dear Jon Special

Dear Jon's Life Principles

by Dear Jon
February 1, 2001

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A Dear Jon Special_Dear Jon-Dear Jon's Life Principles Dear Readers: No actual letters appear in this sort. I do want to thank all of you fans, however, who have inundated the PO with your mail. I am greatly encouraged to know that I have changed lives for the better by making fun of the citizens of Minnesota.

Of course I have not changed at all. I am still the same old Dear Jon. None of the praise has gone to my head. I am still the same humble, deferential person that my loyal readers have come to know and love. But I know that people are hungry to hear more gems. I owe it to you!

So I thought that I would pause in my perusal through the mail bag, and let this next "sort" be a special column dedicated to general advice for life principles.

Dear Jon's Life Principles

  1. When developing Life Principles, it is always good to have a Higher Authority. For millions of literate religious people, this Higher Authority can be found in the Bible or in some other Holy Book. For those of you living in a vaccuum of authority, I offer myself as your Higher Authority. The archives of Dear Jon sorts at the Partial Observer will furnish you insights into deep meanings on which to establish Life Principles. You must never consult the "Web Master" on matters of Life Principles. The Web Master does not understand the enlightenment of Dear Jon.

  2. You must not design any Web Pages using any advice given by the "Web Master."

    [The Webmaster interjects: Please disregard anything Dear Jon says about me and web design in general. His ignorance regarding my profession is an embarrassment to an otherwise refined publication.]

  3. You must not make fun of Dear Jon. You must not spell Jon with an "h."

  4. Remember that Dear Jon letters appear every Monday and Thursday.

  5. Call your mother.

  6. Do not murder.

  7. Do not commit adultery.

  8. Do not steal.

  9. Do not lie in court or to a cop or on an affadavit.

  10. Do not be jealous of what your neighbor owns.

I think that most people will find "Dear Jon's Life Principles" to be very helpful. And I promise you that I will continue to be the same old Dear Jon,
humble and meek.

Comments (1)

Post a Comment

Oche Dremon from Chicago writes:
February 2, 2001
Dear Editor: Foul! Foul! The interjection of the Web Master into the article of Life Principles posted by Dear Jon, is an abuse of the position and power of the denizens of Cyberspace! Dear Jon cannot defend himself! Foul! Sincerely, Oche Dremon

[The Webmaster responds:

Dear Oche: When Dear Jon stops abusing his power as a columnist by resorting to slander, I will stop interjecting. And by the way, what kind of name is Oche Dremon? Is it some kind of anagram?]

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