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Jacksons, We Have a Problem...

Chiming in on the 'wardrobe malfunction'

by Dr. Spin
February 9, 2004

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Dr. Spin,

What is your prediction for what will happen to the careers of Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake following the Super Bowl flash? Also, do you think it was really a "wardrobe malfunction" or an attempt to shock?

- Not so shocked
 
Dear Not So,
 
It has already pretty much come out (no pun intended) that the “accident” was planned by Ms. Jackson and Mr. Timberlake, and the “wardrobe malfunction” was an extremely lame excuse. I have seen clips of interviews from Timberlake, who seems way to pleased with his performance to be truly embarrassed about “accidentally” undressing Janet.
 
Like “the kiss” (Britney and Madonna), “the flash” will be something people will buzz about for a while, but the incident will have little impact on either singer’s music career. However, I will not be surprised if photos of the incident appear on thousands of porn sites, now advertising “JANET JACKSON NAKED!” Janet apparently had some sort of silver decal covering her nipple, but clever pornographers will find a way to digitally “remove” it. Most of these sites will already have dozens of photos of Janet’s older sister La Toya’s Playboy sessions (What is wrong with this family?)
 
What will suffer the most will be the Super Bowl Halftime Show; expect much more conservative acts, such as Debbie (now Deborah) Gibson singing numbers from the Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” Broadway musical.

 
Doctor,

Regardless of how the trial turns out, does it spell the end of Michael Jackson's career? He was already pretty much a has-been, but does this seal it?

Signed,
Billy Gene
 
Dear Gene,
 
As cynical as this may sound, part of me believes this trial has been concocted by Michael himself, because he needs to be in the public eye that badly. Is it a coincidence that his Number Ones album was released the same day his warrant was issued? Michael claims he was being sabotaged by the police, but I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t the other way around. He is certainly acting a lot happier than someone facing a felony should be.
 
I don’t know if Michael is a has-been yet, but he is definitely headed that way. Releasing a “greatest hits” package when you haven’t had one for a while is always a sign you’re on your way out. Jackson is a good songsmith and has proven he can write good catchy pop tunes that last.  I believe Jackson still has the potential to write good, popular songs, but he has gotten further and further out of touch with reality, and his music reflects that. Jackson desperately wants to be the person he was 20 years ago (okay, a “whiter” version of what he was 20 years ago). Problem is, that world no longer exists.

 
Who are better, Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath? And why is hip-hop so popular? Do you even consider bad poetry over sampled 70's funk records music?
 
Dear Bad English,
 
Led Zeppelin is better. Though this may upset legions of fans, the main reason is Robert Plant is a much better singer than Ozzy Osbourne. Both bands are credited as spawning Heavy Metal, though Zep was really more electrified blues. Most non-fans can only name one (if any) Black Sabbath song, “Paranoid.” Most non-fans could probably name two or three Led Zeppelin songs.
 
I have no idea why hip-hop is popular. This is not to say it’s bad; it’s just not my thing.
 
Bad poetry spoken to any kind of music is not music. This is not a knock on hip-hop or rap; this is a knock on bad poetry.

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