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Twenty-Third Sort

Valentine's Day Tips for Guys

by Dear Jon
February 12, 2001

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Twenty-Third Sort_Dear Jon-Valentine's Day Tips for Guys ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON

Dear Jon,
Got any good, original Valentine's Day ideas I can spring on my wife?
Thanks, Desperate

Dear Desperate,
Holy cow, is it Valentine's Day already? If I had any sense at all I would scrap this whole Monday deadline, and hurry up and get something ready before Wednesday leaps out and bites me in the butt.

Before we panic, let us think this through calmly and rationally. One can make the excuse that "Wednesday" Valentine's Day does not feel romantic. Promise her something wonderful and huge during the following week-end. This buys you 2-3 extra days to plan.

As far as planning, a "good" idea is not always the same as an "original" idea. Women only like "original" when it is a)romantic, and b) executed skillfully. Some things that are original to some, are not original for others.

For example, it would be original for me to serve breakfast to my wife while she is in bed on Valentine's Day. This would require getting up at 5:30 AM on Wednesday. If I were to make a 9 AM Saturday "brunch" in bed the main reason why she waited three whole days, I would be in bad trouble. Also, it would require obtaining an appropriate tray, which we would then have to find storage for. So, for these reasons, Breakfast in Bed, although original, would not be executed very well. Other men serve their wives Breakfast in Bed all the time, and know how to do it so that it is appreciated, even though it is not original.

(Do NOT offer your wife breakfast in bed if your idea of French Toast is pouring syrup on a pop-tart.)

Flowers and candy are not original, but so what? Dinner at a nice restaurant is not original. A night of bowling and Bruce Willis videos might be original for Valentine's Day, but is probably not a good idea.

Normally, ideas that are both good and original cost a lot of money in order to be executed skillfully. An evening helicopter ride over a lake at sunset would be very romantic, and also very expensive. It might also be too late to book.

On the whole, you don't have to be "desperate." If you can scrape together enough for dinner, candy, flowers, and card, you will be considered romantic
and loving and thoughtful.

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