Home
Loading
  Contact Us    
Thirtieth Sort

Revenge at the P.O. Corral

by Dear Jon
March 8, 2001

Bookmark and Share


Thirtieth Sort_Dear Jon-Revenge at the P.O. Corral ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON

Dear Jon,

Everett Wilson always thought "The World According to Garp" would have been more aptly named "The World According to Barf."

Sincerely, Everett Wilson


Dear Ev,

For that matter, how about "Ciderhouse Ghouls?"


SORT OF AN ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON

Dear Jon,

Do you give advice on revenge, or is that a foreign concept to you? Someone called you "a cross between Andy Rooney, O.J. Simpson, and Bill Clinton." If someone said that about MY son, I would knock them cold. So what are you going to do?

Signed: Looong on Justice


Dear Justice,

Thank you for stepping up to defend my character against the wiles and snares of the "Webmaster" who, among other evil powers (such as inspiring guilt in close friends), ALSO has the ability to interject comments with impugnity, thus spoiling the integrity of the submitted literary masterpiece.

[The Webmaster interjects: There you go again. For the record, Dear Jon started it! The vengeance is mine, for I am the one whose character was first assassinated. Looong on Justice, your sympathy is misplaced! If Dear Jon were indeed your son (and I wouldn't wish that on anyone), you might consider berating him for his poor manners, though perhaps the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say. And while I'm defending myself, if this accusation of "inspiring guilt in close friends" refers to my polite efforts to encourage my intelligent and talented friends to write something for the PO, I can only say that any guilt experienced by them as a result is self-inflicted. After all, I'm not selling Amway here. Back to you, Mr. Rooney.]

Of course, comparisons with Rooney, Simpson, and Clinton, are laughable in my case. I have not lived long enough to be a grumpy OLD man. I have NEVER been athletic. I have NEVER had all the women I wanted, and at no time has any bimbo travelled across the country to work in my building with the expressed purpose of throwing herself at me. I'm not saying I'm not MOTIVATED by the same things that motivate President Clinton. I'm just saying that our life experience is WORLDS apart. So the best thing to do is to shake off the character assassination as I would a cobweb (get it?) and go on with life.

However, since revenge in general is of interest to you, I think that you would enjoy the following movies: The "Godfather Trilogy" with Al Pacino, The "Deathwish" series with Charles Bronson, and "Strawdogs" with Dustin Hoffman. Revenge is also a theme in the great movie about the Vietnam experience: "Full Metal Jacket." This would be a good movie for any who enjoyed the classic "Apocalypse Now." Let me know what you think of these uplifting "good guy wins" films!

(0 Comments)
Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*


Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Location:


Comments:*
Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.



Verification:
Please type the letters you see above.

  Printer-Friendly

Bookmark and Share


PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
EMAIL ALERTS
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
Thirtieth Sort
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
Finally
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)


RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article Salvator Mundi
Not the painting but the Person
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/7/17
When the Newsman Becomes News
Lamenting yet another fallen hero
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/1/17
Let's Hear It for Moms and Pops
Celebrating Small Business Saturday in a very personal way
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/22/17
An Earthquake in La La Land
Examining what's been exposed in the rubble
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/17/17
Where is God?
Reflecting on the tragedy in a little Texas town
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/10/17
An All Saints Day Tribute
Remembering those who left us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/3/17
A Mighty Fortress was His God
Remembering the legacy of Martin Luther 500 years later
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 10/27/17

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.


RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?

Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2017 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top