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Thirtieth Sort

Revenge at the P.O. Corral

by Dear Jon
March 8, 2001

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Thirtieth Sort_Dear Jon-Revenge at the P.O. Corral ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON

Dear Jon,

Everett Wilson always thought "The World According to Garp" would have been more aptly named "The World According to Barf."

Sincerely, Everett Wilson

Dear Ev,

For that matter, how about "Ciderhouse Ghouls?"


Dear Jon,

Do you give advice on revenge, or is that a foreign concept to you? Someone called you "a cross between Andy Rooney, O.J. Simpson, and Bill Clinton." If someone said that about MY son, I would knock them cold. So what are you going to do?

Signed: Looong on Justice

Dear Justice,

Thank you for stepping up to defend my character against the wiles and snares of the "Webmaster" who, among other evil powers (such as inspiring guilt in close friends), ALSO has the ability to interject comments with impugnity, thus spoiling the integrity of the submitted literary masterpiece.

[The Webmaster interjects: There you go again. For the record, Dear Jon started it! The vengeance is mine, for I am the one whose character was first assassinated. Looong on Justice, your sympathy is misplaced! If Dear Jon were indeed your son (and I wouldn't wish that on anyone), you might consider berating him for his poor manners, though perhaps the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say. And while I'm defending myself, if this accusation of "inspiring guilt in close friends" refers to my polite efforts to encourage my intelligent and talented friends to write something for the PO, I can only say that any guilt experienced by them as a result is self-inflicted. After all, I'm not selling Amway here. Back to you, Mr. Rooney.]

Of course, comparisons with Rooney, Simpson, and Clinton, are laughable in my case. I have not lived long enough to be a grumpy OLD man. I have NEVER been athletic. I have NEVER had all the women I wanted, and at no time has any bimbo travelled across the country to work in my building with the expressed purpose of throwing herself at me. I'm not saying I'm not MOTIVATED by the same things that motivate President Clinton. I'm just saying that our life experience is WORLDS apart. So the best thing to do is to shake off the character assassination as I would a cobweb (get it?) and go on with life.

However, since revenge in general is of interest to you, I think that you would enjoy the following movies: The "Godfather Trilogy" with Al Pacino, The "Deathwish" series with Charles Bronson, and "Strawdogs" with Dustin Hoffman. Revenge is also a theme in the great movie about the Vietnam experience: "Full Metal Jacket." This would be a good movie for any who enjoyed the classic "Apocalypse Now." Let me know what you think of these uplifting "good guy wins" films!

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