Home
Loading
  Contact Us    
Want a New Job?

A mixed mail bag about how to do laundry and what's on television.

by Dear Jon
April 26, 2005

Bookmark and Share
Want a New Job?
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

How can I view the four "Want a new Job?" commercials. They were some of the best I've seen. I've searched the web to no avail. Any ideas? Thanks,

dan
 
Dear Dan,
 
I recommend that you contact your college friend from New England to make you a bootleg copy of his video recording of the Super Bowl. Then you can watch them to your heart's content. I know that New Englanders taped the Super Bowl, because I taped Super Bowl 31 and I will cherish it always. Of course, New Englanders will have destroyed their tapes of Super Bowl 31, just like I destroyed my tape of Super Bowl 32. Anyway, if you don't know anyone from New England, you need to get more friends. Everybody has to know somebody from New England.
 
 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,
 
Is it just me, or are those Burger King commercials [with the giant, plastic headed Burger King stalking people with sandwiches] the most disturbing thing on television today?

Sincerely,

Just Curious
 
Dear Curious,
 
It's just you. The most disturbing thing on television, now circulating through cable replay channels, is Dennis Franz's butt.
 
 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I recently bought two packages of white "crew" socks and was perplexed upon seeing that both packages, of different brands, touted that they were resealable with a zip-lock feature. There was no explanation as to why we should want to reseal these bags. Is there something I should know? Am I supposed to stuff my socks back in there after doing the laundry for optimal freshness? Please enlighten me.

Sincerely,
Sock Puppet
 
Dear Sock,
 
You have missed the point completely. The zip-lock bag must have been the brainstorm of a woman in the marketing department, because no male would ever have gotten the concept, and you, by asking the question you did, have proven you are a man.
 
You seal your socks in the bag after you wear them and before you wash them. If you still don't get the clue, let me be more specific:  The duffel bag you take back and forth to the gym, frankly, does not do the job you think it is doing, which is, keeping the stench of your athletic socks trapped inside.
 
Do NOT seal washed socks in a zip-lock bag. The reason you must not, is because you, who are a man, will seal socks before they are thoroughly dry. That is a big no-no.
 
In fact, look, I know you're trying to be helpful and sensitive and everything so that women don't assume you are taking them for granted or being a chauvinist pig or anything, but trust me, pretty soon any one of your wife (girl-friend), sister or mother is going to offer to do your laundry, if they have not already. You think it is because they love you, but actually, they are afraid that otherwise you will embarrass them. You're clueless. Just get out of the way. Go and tinker in the garage. And change your socks.
 
 
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

With Cookie Monster now becoming PC, making cookies now a "sometimes food," should parents still let their chidren watch Sesame Street?

Sincerely,
Not Like When I Was a Kid
 
Dear Kid,
 
In a previous sort I ragged on Sesame Street. I now take this opportunity to rag on them again. Things got bad when David and Maria stopped going together and no one told us why. Then Sesame Street "jumped the shark" when Mr. Hooper died. He was the soul of the show. If you don't know what "jumped the shark" means, try an internet search. Anyway, the addition of Telly, and then Elmo, and then Mrs. The Grouch, and Mr. Snuffleupagus becoming real to the grown-ups, put it on a trajectory from the best to the worst in television. Now it is just a thoroughly sick show that has outlived its usefulness by twenty years. As a new parent, I am boycotting Sesame Street.
 
My kids are going to learn that the vampire lurking in the closet really only wants to help them learn to count themselves to sleep, and that Harry Monsters like to play with dollies, and that Cookie-monsters have to learn to share just like everyone else, and that every goofy, hyper-active extrovert like Ernie finds an entertaining foil in the sober, focused, introverted demeanor of a Bert. My children will learn that Bert's life is dull without a best friend in Ernie, and that Ernie is shallow and directionless without the enriching wisdom of Bert. But unless I have the videos from the 1970's, I will have to make do with oral tradition, because my kids are not going to watch the junk being churned out now.
 
The problem is, that Sesame Street got off the track of teaching kids how to enjoy childhood with "i-ma-gi-na-tion" and got onto the track of substitute parenting. So because you are spoiling your brats into fatness by using candy as a short-cut to love just to keep them quiet, now it takes a muppet to tell them not to eat cookies all the time? Give me a break! The Children's Television Workshop needs to go back to the drawing board.

(0 Comments)
Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*


Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Location:


Comments:*
Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.



Verification:
Please type the letters you see above.

  Printer-Friendly

Bookmark and Share


PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
EMAIL ALERTS
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
Finally
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)


RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article Salvator Mundi
Not the painting but the Person
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/7/17
When the Newsman Becomes News
Lamenting yet another fallen hero
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/1/17
Let's Hear It for Moms and Pops
Celebrating Small Business Saturday in a very personal way
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/22/17
An Earthquake in La La Land
Examining what's been exposed in the rubble
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/17/17
Where is God?
Reflecting on the tragedy in a little Texas town
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/10/17
An All Saints Day Tribute
Remembering those who left us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/3/17
A Mighty Fortress was His God
Remembering the legacy of Martin Luther 500 years later
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 10/27/17

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.


RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?
Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2017 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top