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Partial Observer Purchased by Hustler Magazine

Mixed emotions fill the staff.

by Richard 'Mr. Moo' Moore
April 3, 2006

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Partial Observer Purchased by Hustler Magazine
When I started writing for the Partial Observer over 2 years ago, there was a part of me that was excited about the potential of making it big in the area of political and social commentary. With my number one most read article being about two youth pastors addressing the issue of pornography, imagine my shock when I heard this week that the PO was sold to Larry Flynt and Company, effective the 1st of April.
 
Of course, my (I thought) friend Mark Johnson sent all the columnist the news release from the press conference held in Virginia on Saturday. He didn't bother to invite us to the conference and I can't imagine that he cut us in on the $2.6 million price tag plus Hustler stock options. I, for once in the last 2 years, am speechless.
 
Why, Mark? Why? 
 
My dear friend Greg will be writing poetry for a sleaze magazine. Good ol' Barnabas who officially changed his name to Everett Wilson a few months ago will amaze us with a new outlook on life through the peephole of Hustler. James Leroy Wilson will have an entire new Libertarian look, allowing the snake on the flag to be replaced with skin. And poor Rita, Michael and Brooks, they just signed on and now look at what happens. I know it wasn't their fault.
 
Mark, we don't even know you anymore! But word has it through his agent that the new beach house and custom built Hummer are sound proof so he can't even hear the cries of his hundred of thousands of faithful readers. Do you even care about those of us who made you a success, Mark?
 
At the same time as the news hitting the streets about this deal, word had it that Pat Buchannan has suggested that VP Cheney resign, Condi be appointed his successor and Donald Rumsfeld be fired. Playboy announced that they purchased the GCFL, Good Clean Funny List of daily jokes. Sojourners, a social action political organization who introduced us to the idea that "God is Not a Republican…" has sold out to Focus on the Family Political Action Group. It was a day of surprises.
 
Next you'll be telling me that some government agency tells me that my clocks are wrong Sunday morning because there is a foreign plot to make daylight earlier.
 
But back to the Partial Observer. I guess having a soft porn magazine owning us will give an entirely new meaning to our name. But with the change, will more folks become a Complete and Total Observers?
 
I'm am not going to take this lying down. Mr. Moo is presently covering up and promises not to be in the center of anyone's magazine. I will continue to write only the top quality articles you have come to expect from this cow. Neither Carpal tunnel hoofs or new ownership will cause me to change my stunning work from the pasture.

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Everett Wilson from Chetek, WI writes:
April 3, 2006
Thanks for the April Fools' disclaimer. I was beginning to worry when you referred to yourself as a cow rather than as a bull.

Everett

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