(Knocking on front door) Candy gram.
(From inside) no, you're that land shark
(Knocking on front door again) Special delivery
(From inside) you're not going to fool me again, land shark
(Knocking on front door again) Free breast exam.
Oh, okay come on in.
Land shark attacks unsuspecting victim behind the door.
All right, it wasn't a scene from Saturday Night Live famous skits with the Land Shark. But it sounds just as bizarre as anything that the writers of SNL came up with for the popular skit. Free breast exam offered door-to-door. Skit, no. Bizarre, very. Actual event, sorry to say – yes. The place was a Miami, Florida neighborhood. A white haired gentleman in his mid 70's carrying a medical bag shows up at houses informing women that he is from a local clinic and is conducting free breast exams. As of now, we only know of two women who took him up on the offer of the free exam. The two women were the one who called the police and the other was being examined as the police came a calling. The one woman who called the police said she became suspicious after he asked her to disrobe so he could also do a genital exam, without wearing rubber gloves. The two victims were in their 30's. The breast examiner, Philip Winikoff has been charged with two counts of sexual assault and is currently in police custody.
I do know that if this guy could sell someone on the idea of door-to-door free breast exams, he could probably sell an Eskimo a refrigerator in the dead of winter. Imagine what he could do with a legitimate product. Now, I must say as good of a salesman as Winikoff must have been that his victims aren't really the sharpest knives in the drawer. Personally, I would rather give the old man credit for a sales job than accuse the victims of anything more than naivety.
But I do want to warn all readers of my column that there used to be one line you could count on to be a lie: "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." Now we can add: "I'm from the area hospital and offering free breast exams."