The Mystery of Stonehenge
Dear Jon and Jon Deer unlock the secrets of an ancient wonder.
by Dear Jon
June 14, 2001
The Mystery of Stonehenge_Dear Jon-Dear Jon and Jon Deer unlock the secrets of an ancient wonder.
Dear Jon is taking a well-deserved day off on Monday, June 18. Look for his return on Thursday, June 21.
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON
Just what the heck is Stonehenge all about anyway?
Stonehenge is just one of many sites throughout Europe where stone monuments were left. They are very ancient, and their builders are lost to history's memory.
Happily, we can recover history's memory through the use of "clairvoyance," as described by C.W. Leadbeater, a person who I am not making up, who was a 32nd Degree Mason and wrote the book "Free Masonry and its Ancient Mystic Rites." I am quoting this from pages 8 and 9 of the Gramercy Books edition of 1998:
"In truth he observes not only what he would have seen if he had been there at the time in the flesh, but much more. He hears and understands all that the people say, and he is conscious of all their thoughts and motives; and one of the most interesting of the many possibilities which open up... is the study of the thought of ages long past--the thought of the cave-men and the lake-dwellers as well as that which ruled the mighty civilizations of Atlantis, of Egypt or Chaldaea... watching the slow development of intellect in man, the descent of the Lords of the Flame, and the growth of the mighty civilizations which they founded."*
Of course, I am not adept at clairvoyance, but it so happens that our friend Jon Deer, who in a previous incarnation was the Poet Laureate for the court of King Athelstan, claims to have travelled through time to observe the great secrets of history.
Dear: Jon, do people think it strange that you claim to be clairvoyant?
Deer: My Aunt, a Sunday School teacher, doesn't like me to talk about it much around her. Plus, no one at the University takes me seriously, even though I have applied to teach my methods in their Sociology and History departments. And I had to go through eight therapists before I found one who totally understood what I was talking about and helps me get in touch with my past lives through hypnosis. But all my friends down at the Gallery think it's cool.
Dear: I'm sure they do. How did you discover the gift?
Deer: Well, I was experimenting with expanding my mind chemically, when I had this trip in which I was in the middle of a battle between giants and these angels with eagle wings and human faces. When I came back out of it I realized I had witnessed one of the great events we only remember as myth, when Titans battled the gods for supremacy in the world.
Dear: Do you still need chemical help for these visions?
Deer: No. I don't even need hypnosis any more. I just carry this polished crystal around, and when I need to send my spirit through time, I focus on the crystal. Voila, I'm anywhere I want to go.
Dear: What are some things about history that we have all wrong?
Deer: Well, for one thing, Marie Antoinnette was ugly as a dog's butt. And Europeans really smell bad until the 20th Century.
Dear: Can you explore the mystery of Stonehenge for us?
(At this point, Deer picks up a piece of glass and studies it. His pupils shrink. The room is still and silent, and I hardly want to breathe. Then after five minutes, Deer puts the crystal in his pocket.)
Deer: Of course, it is really very simple.
Dear: Good. Stonehenge is astronomical, right?
Deer: Not at all! See, 85 thousand years ago, the civilization of Atlantis dominated the world.** The King of Atlantis, named Browig, wanted to surprise his wife for their 1175 anniversary. As she was a fan of that ancient game of the gods, Dominos, Browig decided to set up the Ultimate Domino Stunt for his wife to watch. His plan was to stand these giant stones on end, from what is now Turkey, all the way to York in England. Browig and his Queen would fly along, (since Atlantis had something like a cross between helicopters and stealth bombers in those days,) and watch the stones as they fell in sequence, culminating in the Tipping Tower of Stonehenge. Work began on the Ultimate Domino Stunt at various locations in what is now Europe, in which the Titan slave race stood the monoliths on end. Stonehenge was only the base of what was to be a magnificent tower of spiraling dominos. Alas for the scheme, like many of Browig's plans, this failed to materialize. Corrupt bureaucrats tangled the payroll, and after just a couple weeks of work the Titans went on strike.
Dear: Stonehenge was supposed to be a trick with giant dominos?
Deer: I saw it as clearly as I see you now.
Dear: Thanks, Jon Deer. Can I give you some advice?
Deer: What do you mean?
Dear: I'm going to tell you straight, because you won't hear this from your friends down at the Gallery. If you're going to give us this clairvoyant past-lives baloney, you might as well give us the baloney we expect. Tell us that Stonehenge was a landing port for alien spacecraft. Tell us that its builders from Atlantis were astrologers focussing the energy of the heavens to Earth. Nobody, NOBODY, thinks Stonehenge is about dominos, you fartsy little quack.
Deer: Hey! You asked, that's what I saw!
Dear: Get out of here.
Deer: Breathe. Breathe. I need my aroma therapy....
Dear: I'll tell you what you and your therapist and your friends at the Gallery need: you need to stop breathing each other's carbon dioxide and brainwashing each other with this baloney. You need to get out for some fresh air and a baseball game. Go to a major league ball park and get a beer and cheer for the home team. Me and Buffalo Joe will save you a bag of peanuts.
* C.W. Leadbeater, "Free Masonry and its Ancient Mystic Rites," 1998: Gramercy Books, a division of Random House, New York, NY
** According to Leadbeater, chapter 1, the civilization of Atlantis ruled from 150,000 b.c. to the "great cataclysm" of 75,020 b.c.
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