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Popeye, Scooby, and Tax Cuts

Dear Jon answers a flurry of actual letters.

by Dear Jon
June 21, 2001

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Popeye, Scooby, and Tax Cuts_Dear Jon-Dear Jon answers a flurry of actual letters. ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I am greatly stunned to learn that the Partial Observer has relocated its main office from Chicago to Virginia. Will this cause a lowering of standards in such a fine web-zine? Why would anyone move to Virginia? Will Dear Jon now be ending all his columns with "Y'all come back now, hear?" How could you allow such a travesty?

Worried PO reader


Dear PO'd:

An even worse travesty is the Webmaster's decision to censor all free-lance and columnist material pertaining to the subject. Hopefully, since this is an "Actual Letter," it will slip past the web of paranoia. I understand that in your grief you would misplace the blame. Surely Dear Jon can pull the strings around here? No, not even my wild popularity holds much sway. But thanks for writing and, y'all come back now, hear?


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

With all your tirades on hockey and other winter sports, what do you think of in-line skating (a.k.a. rollerblading) and skate-boarding?

Skater


Dear Skater: I don't have to bust a spleen about rollerblading. I have a cousin who already did. But now he does something much safer: He plays rugby--you know, full contact tackle football but without any helmets or pads.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

What's with Popeye and Bluto in this new orange juice ad?

OJ Drinker


Dear OJ: You watch too much television.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

How come so many readers are including cities in their sign-off names?

Schenectady Sam


Dear Sam: Yah. And how come nobody asks an advice columnist for advice?


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon:

How come Fred, Velma, Daphne and Shaggy are willing to investigate all those creepy happenings of ghosts, monsters, etc., yet they fully accept that they have a talking dog? And who does Scooby-Doo belong to anyway?

Cartoon watcher


Dear Cartoon watcher: Everybody knows that Scooby-Doo belongs to Shaggy. What I want to know is, when are Fred and Daphne going to resolve the tension and finally sleep together?


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Which do you prefer, receiving a $300-600 rebate check from the federal government, or sharply reduced cuts, to at least 33% if not 28%, in the top marginal rates, i.e., greater tax cuts for the "rich" including small businessmen who provide most of the nation's jobs? Do you prefer inflation-inducing Keynesian consumer-based economics or job-creating supply-side economics? A slightly larger pie or a much larger pie? Which is it, Dear Jon?

-Milton


Dear Milton: You must be an idiot. I stand with the majority of patriotic Americans on this issue. Between $300 taken to the bank, or an abstract discussion of economic theory, let me say: We want our rebate checks NOW. And God bless our generous Federal Government for issuing them. We've depended on the Feds since 1933, and look what that's brought us: The blessings of --- uhm --- knowing that ...... we have a Federal Government that we can depend on!

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