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Is it too late to 'get jiggy' with it?

Plus: litterbox blues and goulash

by Dear Jon
July 2, 2001

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Is it too late to 'get jiggy' with it?_Dear Jon-Plus: litterbox blues and goulash ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Is it too late to "get jiggy" with it? If not, how do I get jiggy? Also is the "swing" craze over?

Not Jiggy Yet


Dear Jiggy,

If you think it's too late to get jiggy, you're too late. Squares are always the last to know when it's time to get jiggy, and I don't take letters from squares. I'm making an exception for you, so my readers can get hip. The best thing you can do is get jiggy anway. Then you go from being a square to being a retro, and retro has its own cool when you make like you're a cat who just doesn't care who's getting jiggy and who ain't. So you tell me: If you ain't crazy for swing, then the swing craze is over, dig? As for me, it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing, even if I'm the only one who's jiggy. And for awhile, I was. But if, instead of jiggy, you're "trendy," then you ain't never been jiggy, not really. You're just a trendy square. Dig it.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

My cat has an annoying habit of "doing his business" just outside of his litterbox. It doesn't seem to mattter how fresh or dirty the cat litter is. I've tried disciplining everytime he does it, but of course, I never catch him in the act, and discipline doesn't discourage him. This habit is disgusting and annoying, but at least the problem is confined to the one spot. How do I break my cat of this continuing behavior?

Cat owner


Dear Owner,

Now that's a cat who gets jiggy. Try buying a larger litter box, one that covers the area it covers now, plus the area the cat has claimed. Put the sand only in the area of the new box that would have covered the old, and leave the rest bare. It may be that the combination of smell and sight has conditioned the cat to that spot. Ideally, the cat will go in the uncovered spot, and then bury it with the litterbox sand, and thus condition itself to a new behavior. Otherwise, you covering that spot with the treated odors of litterbox sand before it does its business might confuse the cat and cause another inconvenient behavior.

Also, the cat may also be trying to tell you, in its own way, that you have not designated it a large enough area to do this business comfortably. Or you could have a cat that is really stupid. Or it may be that you are really stupid for keeping a cat that messes up your floor all the time, when you could just as easily get another cat. I really don't know. I really don't care, either, unless you invite me over. In which case, please tell me where not to step, okay?


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I have been living on the consistency of your now famous Macaroni & Cheese recipe ever since you printed it back in Janurary. As good as it is, I am quite frankly sick of it. Do you have any more culinary treasures you can share with your readers?

Hungry Roy


Dear Hungry,

So far, Kraft Foods (registered trademark) has not given me a dime for the endorsement. So, no, I have no other culinary treasures to share. As the Webmaster declares on the Articles page, contributors are not paid for what we write. A guy has to make his living somehow, so I am not going to waste breath giving free commercial time to corporate giants just because I like their food.

My wife, however, has a great recipe for a goulash. Yesterday she made it with "shells" pasta; at other times it has been with elbow macaroni. Use a can of tomato soup, a can of tomato sauce, one pound of ground beef, and here's the clincher: taco seasoning! (to taste, she used about half a pouch.) It is SOOOO good.

But if you ever really get sick of macaroni and cheese, well, in my book you just ain't jiggy.

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