Contact Us    
Dear Jon Letters

Jon dispenses advice and answers your questions. Column debut.

by Dear Jon
October 29, 2000

Bookmark and Share

Dear Jon Letters_Dear Jon-Jon dispenses advice and answers your questions. Column debut. This is an advice column. If you ask me for advice, I will give it. If you do not ask me for advice, I will still give it. I am not qualified in any way, except that I have a very high regard for my own opinion.

Dear Jon:

Who should I vote for in this next election?

Undecided in Lakeview.

Dear Undecided:

That depends. If you are an Undecided Divorced Mother of Two with a mini-van, you should vote for Al Gore because he really wants you to. If you are an Undecided Hispanic Entrepreneur, you should vote for George Bush and become part of the “How did the Republicans Get the Hispanic Vote?” story which will dominate discussions by Political analysts. If you are an Undecided Uneducated Poor Person, your vote will not matter anyway. You should stay home like you planned to do already. If you are an Undecided Pre-school teacher with a Master’s Degree in Social Work (Undecided Educated Poor Person), you are undecided between Ralph Nader and Al Gore. In that case, your head tells you not to “waste” your vote, but you know in your heart that Al Gore is a product of the same system that produced George Bush, and Nader is the only one presenting a distinguishable vision. You wonder if you should vote with your head or your heart. My advice is to vote with your hand, because it is very difficult to punch the hole with either your head or your heart. And vote for Nader. You know you want to. By the way, if that is your dilemma, register with James L. Wilson at TYVAC (Throw Your Vote Away Coalition.) He will find you a Libertarian who will vote for Harry Browne, and you can both feel good about making a real statement on the ballot this year.

Dear Jon:

There is a boy who likes me a lot and wants to start dating me, but I only like him as a friend. I am afraid that if I tell him that, he will be hurt and will not want to be my friend anymore. What should I do?

Harold, Belmont Ave.

Dear Harold:


Dear Jon:

I have been told by my Health Teacher in High School that I should not consult a homophobic columnist for advice: She said you are a prejudiced bigot who goes for cheap laughs, and that you are an Angry White Male and an Evangelical and a Promise Keeper. But I wrote three times to Ann Landers and she never writes back. What should I do?

Needing Help in Lakeshore.

Dear Lakeshore:

Go ahead and tell me all your problems. And tell your Health Teacher to vote for Ralph Nader, like she wants to.

Dear Jon:

Are you part of the vast Right Wing Conspiracy, and are you trying to get liberals to vote for Nader as a diabolical plan to win Illinois for Bush?


Dear Hillary:

There IS no Right Wing Conspiracy!

Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*

Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.

Please type the letters you see above.


Bookmark and Share

Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
Dear Jon Letters
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)

RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article The Death of a Trailblazer
Remembering my neighbor Paul Allen
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 10/18/18
Be Sure Your Sins Will Find You Out
The transgressions of youth and social media follow us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 10/12/18
So Who are We to Judge?
A timely question
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 10/4/18
Tiger, Tiger Burning Bright
An amazing comeback for a disgraced golfer
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 9/28/18
Bert and Ernie are Not Gay!
Attempting to make sense of a senseless claim
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 9/21/18
A Prayer for Hurricane Victims
Asking God to calm the storm
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 9/14/18
Are We Ready for Some Football?
A rhetorical question as the NFL season kicks off
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 9/7/18

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.

RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?

Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2018 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top