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Voodoo Rock 'N' Roll

Dear Jon and Jon Deer reach The Virginia Compromise.

by Dear Jon
August 6, 2001

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Voodoo Rock 'N' Roll_Dear Jon-Dear Jon and Jon Deer reach The Virginia Compromise. The "Actual Letter" below appeared at Partial Observer Headquarters during a pivotal moment during Jon Deer's hissy fit which our almighty Webmaster was trying to pacify. Here is the letter.

ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I have heard that "harmless" phrases in early rock 'n' roll songs, such as "bop-shoo-bop" and "shama-lama-ding-dong" are actually mystic spells created by voodoo priests attempting to corrupt the American youth in to lewd behavior! Is this true?

Concerned American


Readers: This would have been my response.

Dear American,

No. You are paranoid. Like a bunch of others who don't have better things to do with their life than play old vinyl LP's backward and hunt for Mafia dons in grainy black and white pictures from Dallas in 1963, you are giving both Rock and Roll and Voodoo way, way too much credit. The reason American kids have gotten progressively wilder is that James Dean, Hugh Hefner and Dr. Spock both all became stars at the same time.

See, spoiled kids realized that, due to having an overabundance of everything, they had no just cause on which to project and stir the energy of their teenage angst. So, they would be rebels without a cause, literally, at the same moment that pornographers were purveying lust in a manner deemed, if not respectable, at least somehow less "dirty," all when an "expert" started telling parents they ought not spank their kids anymore, but let them "discover themselves." PLAYBOY helped that process a lot.

This is when Rock and Roll entered the picture. They began to sing songs about the new attitude, which has prevailed in America for going on 50 years.
To sum up all Rock and Roll songs I have ever heard, and I love Rock and Roll, here is what I came up with:

"MINE MINE MINE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT BUT I WANT IT NOW, AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HATE YOU, BUT NO MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF! BLAAAAH!"

This is what Rock and Roll lyrics mean. There is no hidden spell, just a lot of ventillated hot air, some of which actually stirs thought and discussion, as is true in any art form. To blame a Voo Doo conspiracy for our kids is just stupid, unless it excuses you from being a real parent, eh? I'm sure Dr. Spock would approve. (END)

When Jon Deer, who had no buthineth, sorry, I mean, business, with what I would write to my own readers, read my planned response, he had a tantrum.

"How can you not give ANY credit to Voo Doo!" he said, in such a rage he even paced the floor, his knuckles turning white where they clenched his hips.

So we reached The Virginia Compromise. From now on, Jon Deer will be the Partial Observer's resident expert on: Voo Doo and its effects, Aroma Therapy, herbal medications, vegetarian diets, astrology (but really, that is Bel-Darius Jonas, whom he channels), clairvoyance, the Loch Ness monster, the Fidel Castro/Marilyn Monroe/Bobby Kennedy connection, alien visitations and abductions and autopsies, druidism, animism, nudism, cabalism, goddess worship, Samhain, crystals, tarots, ouija boards, palm reading, tea leaves, the Living Egyptian Pantheon, the Lords of Flame, the Descended Divinities of European Kings (through Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene), theoretical locations for the Holy Grail, and the emergence of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

I, on the other hand, can answer questions and pontificate on all other subjects known to science, philosophy, and religion, including questions for advice regarding romance, finance, and survival in our day and culture, to the exclusion of anything popularly considered "New Age." I am happy, furthermore, to allow Jon Deer to answer anything about body piercing, which, I will say right now, is about the stupidest, ugliest trend I have ever seen.

When it is a question like yours, regarding the influence of Voo Doo, I am supposed to forward the letter to Jon Deer without comment.

So, if you would like to check out Jon Deer's Horoscope for the Week, your question will be answered there, too. I just have this to say, and I will let Jon Deer have his last word.

While I do hide the particular sectarian components of my Theistic Belief System, I do not hide my general contempt for New Age philosophy and practice. However, Jon Deer, on the other hand, does not speak for ANY brand of New Age philosophy that I have encountered.

He's a quack who thinks Stonehenge is a stunt with giant dominos, because a ghost he channeled told him so. To me, that is no more far-fetched than the other stuff embraced by New Agers and conspiracy theorists, but the fact is, Jon Deer speaks for no one, NO ONE, but himself. His horoscopes are complete and utter fabrications, again, the utterances of a "channeled spirit" who, though he lived 2600 years ago, seems rather acquainted with Mother Goose and Poor Richard. His horoscopes are not "cast" or done in consultation with star charts, or whatever it is "certified astrologists" do.

It was a tough meeting, as you can tell. Personally, I think Jon Deer played his rock and roll music a little too loud as a teenager. I also think the Virginia Compromise is only going to post-pone an inevitable civil war on the PO's editorial staff. S..E. Shepherd will take my stand for a strong Webmaster's editorial control, and James Leroy Wilson will defend to death Jon Deer's right to write what he wants. Not that S.E. or James were there. I shouldn't drag them into this. But the clouds are on the horizon. It's a cliff-hanger.

What do you think, readers? Can the PO survive this crisis? Should Jon Deer's horoscope be tolerated as a sign of "diverthity," as he argues? Should the Webmaster seize more editorial control from his contributors? Should the PO create a Supreme Court of editorial arbitration and appoint James Leroy Wilson to its bench? Would he end up with more de facto power than either the editorial board or the Editor-in- Chief?

All from one stupid, paranoid question about Voo Doo's conspiracy behind Rock and Roll. American, I hope you're happy.

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