Includes some of the dumbest things that Dear Jon has heard.
by Dear Jon
August 27, 2001
77th Sort_Dear Jon-Includes some of the dumbest things that Dear Jon has heard.
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:
Since you've been having droughts in "actual letters," do you think it's possible that you have quenched the thirst of knowledge your readers had?
I had a similar thought in an earlier column, which I am not inclined to look up at the moment. I speculated that readers had received such depths of insight from my advice, that they needed to process what they had learned from me before they could address new questions. In that sense, the "thirst for knowledge" has been "quenched," but as with the physical appetite, the thirst will return.
ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:
Famous words from 30 years ago: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." from LOVE STORY. In WHAT'S UP, DOC? character played by Streissand says, "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard." Where do you stand?
While you're at it, what are some other things that sound good, and people might believe and live by, even though they are really dumb?
Signed, Art in Life
Just today, I learned from a graduate student that the school's library would not let him use their resources until he had returned his overdue book and paid his fine. So he went in today to pay his fine, and they would not let him, because they had moved into a new building and did not have their computers set up yet. Maybe that wasn't the dumbest thing I ever heard, but it was close. It reminds me of the time that the A&W Restaurant in my town, had to repair a machine, so they opened anyway but couldn't serve root beer to anybody. There was a college I used to work for out west that couldn't process transcripts for about 4 months because they were switching their computer programs.
Maybe these things aren't so dumb, because there is no one person who can be ridiculed. But good grief. If A&W is going to be open, it ought to be open to sell root beer. If a college is going to boast about its accredidation, it had better have typewriters on hand to process transcripts for alumni who need them for job screenings, graduate applications, etc. And if a library is going to fine somebody, they better be able to collect.
Then there was the Congressional Democrat this last week, complaining that the budget surplus had shrunk to $1 Billion dollars. "Where is the money for Education Reform? It isn't there. Where is the money to overhaul Social Security and Medicare? It isn't there." Nobody thought to ask them why those things ought to be so high on the agenda of the Federal Government, in the first place.
At a football game I watched a running back take the pitch, and then get creamed by an opponent with a collision of shoulder-pad to chest which knocked him through the air and onto his back. A person whose gender shall remain nameless turned and asked me, "Is that legal?"
Then there was the Dad in a large family who, when one of his children would turn down the family's supper menu of sauerkraut, cooked carrots and bean soup, would then say, "All the more for us!" as though to arouse envy in some bizaare theory of reverse psychology.
Here are some of the dumbest things I ever heard.
"Tune in, turn on, drop out."
"Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers."
"This land is your land, this land is my land...."
"And did those feet in ancient times walk on England's mountain's green? And was the holy lamb of God on England's pleasant pastures seen?"
"My country right or wrong."
"This is MY country!"
"Separate but Equal."
"The South will rise again."
"The Civil War wasn't about slavery."
"The Holocaust is a Hoax!"
"The secret truth about Alien abductions..."
"If it feels good, do it."
"I never met a man I didn't like."
"Laughter is the best medicine."
"Revenge is a dish best served cold."
"It's not whether you win or lose. It's how you play the game."
"It's the thought that counts."
"A penny saved is a penny earned." (100% interest? Where?)
"Blondes have more fun."
"Girls can't do that."
"Old Milwaukee, tastes as great as its name." (Sad, but true.)
"What don't kill ya makes ya stronger."
"I'm not prejudiced. I don't understand why so many Whites in America don't like Black people.....(5 minutes later, after the subject changed...) Well you know, anyone in my (Eastern European country of origin) can tell you about the Gypsies. You can't trust them, you know. But everybody knows that. It's just the way it is."
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Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).
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