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90th Sort

On the portrait art of the Webmaster.

by Dear Jon
October 23, 2001

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90th Sort_Dear Jon-On the portrait art of the Webmaster. ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Just how accurate is that picture of you? You look like some sort of hippie-freak. I don't want my questions answered by some hippie-freak! You're probably a pinko-commie too!

Concerned American

Dear Concerned,

Either the picture represents the Webmaster's true artistic gifts, or the picture is an attempt by the Webmaster to sabotoge my reputation and decrease my popularity. Like Jerry Jones as owner of the Dallas Cowboys, the Webmaster would rather dominate his team than build a winner. Since I am wildly popular, and basically keeping the PO afloat, he hates me.

I am frankly relieved that "pinko-commie" came to your mind. What came to my mind was "FBI's Top 23 Most Wanted." All that sketch is missing is a turban.

Imagine me more like Matthew Broderick with a beard. Or John Stamos maybe. I was once favorably compared to Tom Selleck (true!).


Dear Jon,

Who is the more annoying member of John Lennon's estate, Yoko Ono or their son, Sean?

John Lennon Fan

Dear Lennonist,

As the nephew of a decent, quiet-living artistically-gifted Japanese immigrant, I can objectively state that Yoko Ono is a wacked-out freak who is more likely from Neptune than from Japan.


Dear Jon,

Why do they have NFL games on Thursday night? Seems to me like the only time the NFL should schedule games is Sunday afternoons and Monday nights. What's with this?

Football Fan (but not on Thursdays)

Dear Fan,

Stop whining and get with it. I want to know why the football season is so short, and why games are not broadcast seven days a week for six months out of the year. I don't think you're REALLY a fan. If you were REALLY a NFL fan, you would think like I do.

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