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Sort Number 99

Dear Jon clears up some things.

by Dear Jon
November 30, 2001

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Sort Number 99_Dear Jon-Dear Jon clears up some things. Dear Reader,

On Tuesday we are going to celebrate 100 batches of Dear Jon letters. This makes me philosophical, so I have chosen to make my 99th sort my rumination on what the Partial Observer has meant to me.

Financially, of course, the PO has meant jack. As you can see in the online rules for submission, "Please note that the Partial Observer does not pay any contributing authors." That is so completely true. Basically, I steal time from my company to get these out twice a week, just like most of you steal time from your company to read them.

This is why it is so important to have readers contribute their questions. I know some of you have thought that my letters to myself were funnier, but I think I have done a pretty good job with your set-up lines too.

One guy can only imagine so much. As any woman will tell you, a guy can only think of one thing at a time. So you are asking questions that would never have occurred to me, and that is a good thing, because it forces me to think about other things than what I normally think about.

It is also important, critical really, that we get women contributing to the PO. What we mean by Partial Observer is that a number of different people submit their observations to create a mosaic. As it stands now, our Partial Observer might as well be called The Angry White Male.

As you know from previous sorts, I make no secret that I am, first of all, a middle-brow snob, and second of all, that my advice is influenced by testosterone. Lest this has led to any misunderstandings, let me clear some things up about my personality and assumptions about life.

1. I am married and my wife loves me very much, but not as much as I love her, although she would disagree.

2. Friends claim that I am "whipped."

3. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and the ones from Neptune have issues to sort out.

4. The number of truly well-adusted people in our world wavers between 15 and 20. I know one of them personally. Everyone else is neurotic.

5. War is hell. Sports are not war. Neither is the age-old "battle of the sexes." When those things deteriorate into war, it is time to call the police.

6. That strain of political extremism called Jihadism occupies the same moral ground as Nazism. It is only worthy of contempt, satire, and the righteous condemnation of God, history and civilization.

7. Osama bin Laden is foreign. Timothy McVeigh was home-grown. Hate and extremism knows no borders.

8. There are more important things in life than beer, football, and a nap. However, simple pleasures go a long way toward contentment.

9. Saying much or saying little does not prove wisdom. What is said and left unsaid at what time is the proof of wisdom.

10. Dear Jon columns are not counseling textbooks, gospel sermons, or Jay Leno monologues. Dear Jon columns are what they are.

11. If Dear Jon has ever offended you, your skin is pretty thin.

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PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

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Sort Number 99
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Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

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