Home
Loading
  Contact Us    
Sort 108

Dear Jon's Rules for Baldness.

by Dear Jon
January 8, 2002

Bookmark and Share


Sort 108_Dear Jon-Dear Jon's Rules for Baldness. ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

My hair is just starting to thin on top. I have noticed it for a couple of years, but when I went home for Christmas, my incredibly sensitive sister pointed this fact out to me in a not so subtle way. What should I do? Should I seek a remedy now or should I just let nature run its course?

Folically Challenged


Dear Folic,

In addition to being "folically challenged," you are also "informationally challenged." You are challenging me for advice without giving me any information. I do not know whether you are young or old, rich or poor, and most important of all, male or female.

The rules for baldness are as follows. It will be up to you to decide which apply to your case.

1. Combovers do not work for any man of any age ever.

2. Women of any age who are bald should seek a remedy.

3. There are many kinds of baldness. There is "male pattern baldness." There is "shaved head" baldness. And there is baldness that results from sickness; sometimes the hair gets sick, sometimes the skin gets sick. Baldness can be a consequence for certain chemical or radiation treatments for other ailments. Men should seek a remedy only depending on their age and the kind of baldness. Women should seek a remedy anyway.

4. This is not a matter of chauvinism, or if it is, it is not a chauvinism that is repressive. Male pattern baldness is not natural to a woman, so it is culturally normative to assume that a woman's baldness is the result of a problem of some sort. Also, women are accorded lots of attractive options as remedies, such as beautiful headscarves. Men who wear beautiful headscarves are dressing as pirates looking for mateys, har har.

5. Some men boldly lose their hair. Some shave it off on purpose. Others are ashamed to lose their hair, see it as a sign of aging, and seek remedies. In my estimation, male pattern baldness is actually a distinguishing feature of masculinity. (You recall from the Webmaster's illustration, that I do not suffer from baldness. I have a widow's peak and a high forehead, but my hair is thick on the scalp.)

6. Everybody laughs at everybody else for some reason or other. Bald men are the brunt of jokes, but that does not mean they look funny. Hairy men are the brunt of jokes as well, especially when the hair is in the ears and nose or on the back. In any event, by the time men and women are fully mature, women are resigned to the fact that all men are funny-looking anyway. It might be big feet, it might be knobby knees, men are goofy-looking and there is nothing to be done. What DOES look even goofier, is when an unnatural remedy is imposed on natural male pattern baldness. It looks goofy and it is pathetic.

7. I have to admit that I am skeptical of chemical solutions. I don't want anybody messing with my testosterone until decades have proven that there are no long-term damaging side-effects.

8. If your testosterone is too busy to make hair, you are just fine.

9. For other baldnesses, one might seek out toupee's or wigs. When possible, wear a hat. This is considered impolite, generally, indoors, which is another advantage that women have.

10. The Benjamin Franklin look only worked for Benjamin Franklin, and even he looks funny. A comb-over would have looked a lot worse.

(0 Comments)
Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*


Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Location:


Comments:*
Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.



Verification:
Please type the letters you see above.

  Printer-Friendly

Bookmark and Share


PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
EMAIL ALERTS
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
Sort 108
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
Finally
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)


RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article May I Be Frank, Mr. President?
Challenging a double standard in the Oval Office
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/15/17
Salvator Mundi
Not the painting but the Person
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/7/17
When the Newsman Becomes News
Lamenting yet another fallen hero
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/1/17
Let's Hear It for Moms and Pops
Celebrating Small Business Saturday in a very personal way
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/22/17
An Earthquake in La La Land
Examining what's been exposed in the rubble
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/17/17
Where is God?
Reflecting on the tragedy in a little Texas town
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/10/17
An All Saints Day Tribute
Remembering those who left us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/3/17

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.


RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?

Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2017 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top