Home
Loading
  Contact Us    
Sort 384

Race to the National Stakes

by Dear Jon
May 12, 2009

Bookmark and Share
Sort 384

Dear Reader,

A recent sort had me rate the names of American presidents. I did not actually rank them, only commented on each name in order in my assessment as to whether the name communicates dignity or dweebity.

The Triple Crown season now in high gear, and everyone is fawning over the jockey (whose name I won't remember until the Preakness is televised, but I think it's Calvin something or other from Louisiana and I'm pretty sure he had a Cajun brogue, since repeatedly calling a female news reporter "dahlin'" is otherwise an offense punishable by emasculation in the public media) and his second long-shot victory in three years. The horse's name is "Mine That Bird."

As I try to build on the hype so that people read my column, two big questions come to mind. Is "Cajun" still an appropriate, sensitive designation for a distinctive culture within Americana?

Second, would not "Economic Stimulus" be a really GREAT name for a racing horse? That got me thinking about other current or semi-current buzz words in our politically divided culture, which might also work as names for race horses.

So I have thought of enough buzz words to fill out SIX fields worth of racing cards. (Race Card is not one of the names I am proposing.) What I would like you to do, dear Reader, is cast your vote, or "bet" on your favorite buzz word horse names. You may use either the comments section, the actual letter form. Both forms appear below for your convenience, as they do, ahem, at the end of every single article I write.

From each field choose three horses you would like to see advance from the Qualifiers to the Triple Crown. Rank them in order. I will assign one point for every third place vote (to show), two points for every second place vote (to place) and three points for every first place vote (to win).

Before we get to the names of the horses in each field, here are the names of the races:

Field One: The Upside Downs
Field Two: The Winner Take All
Field Three: The Unilateral
Field Four: Public Trials
Field Five: Raucous Caucus
Field Six: Midterm Races

The top three vote-getters from each field will compete in the Triple Crown Races:
 
The D.C. Derby
The Freakness
The National Stakes

The top two vote-getters from each field will compete in the D.C. Derby. The Freakness will be run by the top six finishers in the D.C. Derby versus the third-best vote-getters from the qualifiers. The National Stakes will pit the top six race horse names against each other.

All you have to do is vote. Vote early, vote often; there are no limits, just a dead-line. Every Monday at 7 PM Central Time I will tally the race-winners for publication the following Tuesday.

Best Buzz Words as names for Race Horses. The post has sounded!

Field One: The Upside Downs
Media Clip
Sound Byte
YouTube Moment
Smoking Ban
Hidden Fees
Bail Out
Economic Stimulus
Merger by Fiat
Return the Bonus
Undocumented

Field Two: The Winner Take All
Green House Gas
Climate Change
Renewable Energy
Trade Summit
Inconvenient Truth
Zero Tolerance
Rush to Judgment
No Child Left Behind
Intelligent Design
Fossil Record
Prayer in School (Scratch. Voting for this one is illegal)
Moment of Silence (late entry. May be ruled ineligible on appeal)
FEMA to the Rescue is a scratch; the trailer never made it to the stables.
Katrina Mission Trip has been put into the field by the same manager of the horses
Blind Faith (and)
Religious Nut.

Field Three: The Unilateral
Peace Dividend
China Sea
Rogue State
Axis of Evil
Regional Conflict
Shock and Awe
Old Europe
Coalition Partner
Mission Accomplished

Field Four: The Public Trials
Fog of War
Back-Door Draft
Department Memo
Patriot Act
Is It Torture
Hot Zone FUBAR
Whiskey Pete
Border Patrol
Restart Button

Field Five: The Raucous Caucus
Hanging Chad
Popular Mandate
Family Values
Budget Deficit
Blue Collar
Negative Campaign
What's Michele Wearing
President of a Different Color
Obama Nation
Abundance of Caution

Field Six: The Midterm Races
Hope He Fails
Legal Brief
Balance of Power
Filly Buster
Killed in Committee
Executive Order
Guided by Facts
Tax Return
Unable to Serve (long-shot)
Fleeting Glory

And they're off. I have my own favorite to win the Triple Crown. What are your picks?
 

Comments (6)


Post a Comment

Everett Wilson from Ceresco, NE writes:
May 12, 2009
Field One
Media Clip to win
Bail Out to place
Sound Byte to show

Field Two
Rush to Judgment to win
Climate Change to place
Zero Tolerance to show

Field Three
Shock and Awe to win
Axis of Evil to place
Rogue State to show

Field Four
Patriot Act to win
Border Patrol to place
Restart Button to show

Field Five
Hanging Chad to win
Blue Collar to place
Popular Mandate to show


Field Six:
Legal Brief to win
Executive Order to place
Fleeting Glory to show



Oche Dremon from Chicago writes:
May 12, 2009
Upside Downs: 1. Merger 2. Smoking 3. Bonus
Winner Take All: 1. Judgment 2. Blind 3. Tolerance
Unilateral: 1. Mission 2. Shock 3. Europe
Public Trials: 1. Fog of War 2. Is it Torture 3. Button
Caucus: 1. President 2. Abundance 3. Blue Collar
Midterms: 1. Hope He Fails 2. Filly Buster 3. Fleeting

Jon Deer from Chicago writes:
May 13, 2009
First: 1. Bail Out 2. Undocumented 3. Hidden Fees
Second: 1. Rush 2. Trade 3. Truth
Third: 1. Dividend 2. Rogue 3. Shock
Fourth: 1. Fog 2. Draft 3. Whiskey
Fifth: 1. Abundance 2. Negative 3. President
Sixth: 1. Filly 2. Facts 3. Tax

James Leroy Wilson writes:
May 14, 2009
Field One: 1. Media Clip 2. Bail Out 3. Return the Bonus
Field Two: 1. Renewable Energy 2. Rush to Judgement 3. Trade Summit
Field Three: 1. Rogue State 2. China Sea 3. Shock and Awe
Field Four: 1. Department Memo 2. Fog of War 3. Restart Button
Field Five: 1. Popular Mandate 2. What's Michele Wearing 3. Blue Collar
Field Six: 1. Filly Buster 2. Executive Order 3. Legal Brief

Jonathan Wilson from Illinois writes:
May 15, 2009
1. YouTube, Bonus, Bail
2. Rush, Renewable, Blind
3. Dividend, Europe, Mission
4. Fog, Draft, Torture
5. Caution, Deficit, Obama
6. Filly, Committee, Fails

Ruth from Washington writes:
May 23, 2009
Dear Jon,
Can I submit a last-minute replacement: Carbon Footprint?

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*


Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Location:


Comments:*
Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.



Verification:
Please type the letters you see above.

  Printer-Friendly

Bookmark and Share


PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
EMAIL ALERTS
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
Finally
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)


RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article May I Be Frank, Mr. President?
Challenging a double standard in the Oval Office
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/15/17
Salvator Mundi
Not the painting but the Person
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/7/17
When the Newsman Becomes News
Lamenting yet another fallen hero
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/1/17
Let's Hear It for Moms and Pops
Celebrating Small Business Saturday in a very personal way
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/22/17
An Earthquake in La La Land
Examining what's been exposed in the rubble
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/17/17
Where is God?
Reflecting on the tragedy in a little Texas town
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/10/17
An All Saints Day Tribute
Remembering those who left us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/3/17

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.


RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?
Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2017 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top