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Back the Right Horse

by Dear Jon
May 19, 2009

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The First Leg of the Triple Crown "Buzz Words" Races, the DC Derby, gets underway this week, only on the Partial Observer!

Dear Readers,

The "Buzz Words As Race Horses Triple Crown" got underway last week with a lot of fanfare, including appeals on FaceBook for people to read my article and vote. The response was whelming. Most people responded to the article in this way:  "You know, you should have included THIS Buzz Word on your list," and then they would suggest something inane, as though Got Milk would be a great name for a race horse.

Here are some of the suggestions that people, whom I am pretty sure have not otherwise voted, told me could have been qualifiers:

Hopium
Which Horse Has Borel
Notre Dames
Honorary Doctorate
Demonized
Daley's Bid
Rio Huh
Stays in Vegas
Sub Prime                                                                                                         Chapter Eleven
Pakistan Front
Fair Trade
Stolen Identity
Best Coverage
Soft Landing
June Hockey
Glacial Melt
A Trillion There

Thanks for your help. Really. Please leave the comedy to the professionals.

In the six qualifying races almost every horse scored points. I thought that a name for a horse to bet on, called "Economic Stimulus," was a brilliant idea, but with a slow start at the Upside Downs, Economic Stimulus did not inspire any confidence. Any money put into Economic Stimulus went down the drain. 

Among all the point getters there were also some stand-outs. Bail Out dominated the Upside Downs, defeating Media Clip by fourth lengths. Return the Bonus will appear in the Freakness.

Field Two is presenting the favorite for the Triple Crown: Rush to Judgment won the "Winner Take All" pulling away. With the most points and the most individual voters of any horse from any field, he really might win it all, even though his jockey is terribly overweight. Renewable Energy finished a distant second and will be a long shot in the DC Derby--it may still be too early to put your money in Renewable Energy, at least as far as DC is concerned. The rest of the field scored too few votes to send a horse to the Freakness.

Field Three ran the tightest pack of them all: The Unilateral went Multilateral, with a photo-finish for first place between Shock and Awe and Peace Dividend. Shock and Awe gets the edge with more individual voters. Mission Accomplished will reach the Freakness as a dark horse, and will have to face its stubborn competitor Rogue State, a fourth horse from the third field that simply would not fade down the stretch. With more votes and voters than the runners-up in Field Two, Rogue State gets the nod for the Freakness, to again harass, nip at the flanks, slow down and discourage Mission Accomplished.

Field Four will give Rush to Judgment the run for the Triple Crown: Except a strong showing from "Public Trials" winner Fog of War. Is It Torture qualifies, but is a long shot to appear in the top 6 and be approved to continue. Meanwhile the clownish little maverick Restart Button will get to take on the big winners of the DC in the Freakness.

In Field Five, the pretty filly with the long-legged gait What's Michele Wearing put in a disappointing run and will not appear in the Triple Crown. Running on dirt and despite a wet track in the Raucouc Caucus, Negative Campaign could not find traction in the slinging mud and finished well behind the qualifiers. Abundance of Caution wins a painfully slow and drawn-out race, with President of a Different Color set to appear in DC. Blue Collar flexed just enough muscle to show up in the Freakness.

In Field Six the Midterm Races got underway with Filly Buster taking control of the house and never looking back. Fleeting Glory will appear in DC. Hope He Fails, managed by the same team as Rush to Judgment, may make a statement yet in the Freakness.

All tie-breakers are governed by the judgment of Dear Jon, the commissioner of Buzz Words Horse Racing. For a complete list of rules, you may contact Dear Jon at the Partial Observer, and he will advise you to blow it out your ear.

You have until next Monday evening to get in your "bets," or votes. Here is the DC Derby Race Form, in descending order of total points.

Rush to Judgment
Fog of War
Filly Buster
Abundance of Caution
Bail Out
Shock and Awe
Peace Dividend
President of a Different Color
Media Clip
Renewable Energy
Is It Torture
Fleeting Glory

And they're off! Will Fog of War bide his time on the heels of Rush to Judgment? Will Bail Out throw Abundance of Caution to the wind? Will Shock and Awe topple the front-runners? And WHERE is Peace Dividend?

Remember, while the top six vote-getters advance to the Freakness, please ONLY vote for three horses: To win, place, and show. Please vote early and vote often. Really. Voting more than once is okay!

Comments (12)


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Oche Dremon from Chicago writes:
May 19, 2009
1. Fog of War
2. Rush to Judgment
3. Abundance of Caution

Jon Deer from Illinois writes:
May 19, 2009
In the DC Derby I think it's obvious that President of a Different Color wins. Hello?
I think Fog of War and Filly Buster tie for second. These are all like plays on words on horse themes, get it? But what's "Abundance of Caution"? Nothing. Just a buzz word. I hope Is It Torture is a big loser that we will never see again.

Jonathan Wilson from Somewhere west of Daley's Machine writes:
May 19, 2009
Wow. I like the top three, personally: Rush to Judgment, Fog of War, Filly Buster.

The thing is though, those are "funny haha buzz word" horses. (Man o' War won the Triple Crown a zillion years ago, for those of you not up to speed on the joke.) But when it comes to an ACTUAL name for a REAL HORSE, you know, "Shock and Awe" is my favorite, and Media Clip is pretty good too. So I'm going to have to send in a second vote, which might cancel my first vote. I guess I'm going to spread my bets.

Jonathan Wilson from still west of Daley writes:
May 19, 2009
Okay, so in my SECOND ballot I'm going with Media Clip to win, Shock and Awe to place, and Fleeting Glory to show, because I think those are great names for actual horses and who cares about Dear Jon's hackneyed political commentary. Hopefully the six horses I've chosen advance to the Freakness.

Oche Dremon from Chicagoland writes:
May 19, 2009
What's up with "Peace Dividend" anyway? That buzzword faded in the 1990's. You'd have to be at least 30 to remember anybody even talking about that.

Here's another ballot: Shock and Awe IS a good name for a horse anyway, so I'm going with that this time, to show. I think Bail Out works too, to place. But no matter what anybody's politics are, the BEST name for a race horse in this contest is CLEARLY "Fog of War." He should clean up the triple crown.

James Leroy Wilson writes:
May 20, 2009
1. Media Clip
2. Renewable Energy
3. Bail Out

Janet from in driving distance of DC writes:
May 21, 2009
I like:
1. Rush to Judgment
2. Fleeting Glory
3. Filly Buster


Girl from VA from Virginia Commonwealth writes:
May 21, 2009
To Win: Shock and Awe
To Place: Rush to Judgment
To Show: Media Clip


Dear Jon from In the Announcer's Booth writes:
May 23, 2009
Here at the DC Derby we are heading towards the curve off the back stretch, and Rush to Judgment is a nose ahead of Fog of War. Media Clip and Shock and Awe are dueling a couple lengths back. Filly Buster, President of a Different Color, Fleeting Glory and Bail Out are in a tight pack well off the lead, and we have to wonder if any of them plan to make a move. And well behind the rest of them is Renewable Energy. No one seems interested in Is It Torture anymore, and where is Peace Dividend?


Wrinkles from Dreamscapes writes:
May 23, 2009
First place, Is It Torture.
Second place, Fog of War.
Third Place, Bail Out.

PJ the Bandit from Cowboy Country writes:
May 23, 2009
We all need a Bail Out first. Second, I think it's about time that we had a President of a Different Color, and I don't care what the folks around me say about that. And third, we need to make sure we're still asking about Is It Torture or not. At least that's what our President is doing, right? Maybe Dear Jon has it that the same manager is running both horses? I know we're not supposed to vote for more than three but I sure hope Filly Buster finishes in the top six and goes on to the Freak Show or whatever the next race is called.

Jon Deer from Illinois writes:
May 24, 2009
Well, since we can vote twice, here I am to pick the same horses with the play on words. But I agree with the one comment, Fog of War is the best name of all. So, Fog of War, President of a Different Color, and then Filly Buster.

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