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Letters so random, they read like 'mlife' commercials.

by Dear Jon
February 8, 2002

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Sort 115_Dear Jon-Letters so random, they read like 'mlife' commercials. ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon:

I just reviewed the PO's readers top five TV shows and was astonished when I could not find one vote not even one honorable mention for "Gilligans Island". Is it possible that I'm a castaway on the TV show of life?

Lost


Dear Lost, Also missing: "Beverly Hillbillies," "Facts of Life," "Growing Pains," "The Jetsons." I think that the PO has exercised pressure on its readers to be "middle brow," so they chose such hoity-toity honorable mentions as "St. Elsewhere." You have two choices: Either you can persuade yourself with the delusion that Gilligan's Island occupies a realm of excellence that separates it from mundane television, or you can call the readers who passed over G.I. for such brain-feeding fare as "The Equalizer" and "Dr. Who" a bunch of stuck-up twits.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

My team just won the Super Bowl, but I don't feel like going to Disneyworld. What should I do?

Feeling un-Patriot-ic


Dear un-

How about just going half-way to Disneyworld, say, to St. Louis? They have a arch there that rises 680 feet into the air. You can ride a hybrid roller-coaster and elevator to get to the top. I hear this affords you a fantastic view of East St. Louis, Illinois. Beneath the arch is a vast museum devoted to the exploration of the west. That is where I spent all my time. I really am not interested, personally, in being suspended 680 feet in air just to have a clear view of East St. Louis. Besides, the museum was free. Of course, as this is your celebration of your team's Super Bowl victory, be sure that you wear your favorite Patriot's jersey everywhere you go. Tell the waitress and the bartender that you are in town to "celebrate." I am sure this will get you many discounts and other perks.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I am about to move and have come across an interesting dilemma. I have a very out-dated computer, a Macintosh Color classic, that I still have files for. I have recently acquired two PCs that are much more modern. Do I throw out the old Mac and all the data? Or do I store it at the new place? (I haven't used the Mac for almost a year)

Too Many Computers


Dear Many,

Take my word for it, only you find this dilemma "interesting." What you need to decide is whether the files are worth keeping and executing. Here are clues to help you decide: Files that teach you secret short-cuts through the "Ms. Pacman" maze are not worth keeping anymore. The term papers you kept from college and stored on Mac files will probably never interest a publisher, proud as you were of the B+ from your English teacher. On the other hand, that top-secret code-breaking algorhythm you downloaded from the Pentagon before the Internet became a "superhighway" might still have application. Remember, we were flying shuttles with computers a lot less sophisticated than your outdated Mac. This increases my frustration that no human has set foot on Mars yet, but you didn't ask that question and that is a whole separate issue.

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