Home
Loading
  Contact Us    
Sort 420: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

And other reality checks on the body image

by Dear Jon
March 9, 2010

Bookmark and Share
Sort 420: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

For years I've heard that if you want change, to look at the person in the mirror first. The problem is, when I look in the mirror, I see someone who's fairly good-looking, healthy, and young-looking for his age. I have no incentive to change that person in the mirror. But when I see photographs of myself, I see a fat, graying slob.

Should the "look in the mirror" cliche be junked, or am I just overly-critical of my photogenicicity?

Sincerely,

Toledo Todd

Dear Ole,

You raise some important questions. First of all, when do men look in mirrors? Second, when do men get photographed?

To show you what I mean, here is the same letter, except from a  hypothetical woman. (I say "hypothetical" because women never write letters to Dear Jon.)

Dear Jon,

I am a woman. Therefore I hate my body.

(The next ten thousand words emote and process the specific feeling.)

Sincerely,

Toledo-Anne

This would be my answer to Toledo-Anne,

Dear Toledo-Anne,

First of all, Toledo-Anne is a great name.

Second, you are a woman. Therefore you have a great body.

Please get over self-esteem dumps, ask a sistah which outfit flatters your assets, then go out with her and two other girl-friends and feed on male egos for an evening. You will feel much better about yourself.

But I cannot give this answer to you, Todd, who are both male and straight. I can tell you are straight because this would have been the same letter from a gay man, or possibly a metro:

Dear Jon,

Why is that I look great in a mirror, but photographs seem to MAGNIFY the tacky little threads of lint on my turtle-necks? I could just DIE!

Sincerely,

Toledo Tizzy

This would be my answer:

Dear Spaz,

Don't be such a goose. It's nothing a little tape can't fix.

So Todd, I am assuming you are a straight non-metro man because no one else describes themselves as "fat, graying slobs." Honestly, no one else can be described that way, either. So here is the deal:

Men do not notice themselves in mirrors unless they are double-checking to see that they are cutting a sharp image. So the man who is brushing his teeth does not see himself.  However the man who is putting on his tie and a tailored sport-coat and moussing his hair for a cousin's wedding, studies himself and is satisfied.

But while women arrange professional studio photo-shoots for Christmas cards and so on, men are usually photographed in so-called "candid" situations. The candid is taken when the man has taken off his sport-coat and loosened his tie because his cousin got married on a really hot day, plus the reception hall is dark so the flash explodes all the shadows that come with normal light, and brings out the oily drops of sweat on the brow because the man has just sat down with a beer after cutting a rug doing the Hokey Pokey.

The moral of the story is this: Fat graying slobs can feel good about themselves when they dress well for special occasions, which is really the only time they care about the way they look anyway. So yes, Todd, you can trust the impression you make in the mirror, because those rare occasions that it matters to you are the only times you are checking. As for candid photographs, who cares? Everyone laughs at everyone else.

Anyone who is not a fat, graying slob, meaning, those who are female, or gay, or metro-sexual, need to get over your collective dumps about your body image. Not that we want you to stop trying. No way! All of us fat graying slobs really appreciate your effort at looking good most of the time rather than just occasionally, and all of us fat graying slobs think that most of the time you all look great.

 

(0 Comments)
Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*


Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Location:


Comments:*
Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.



Verification:
Please type the letters you see above.

  Printer-Friendly

Bookmark and Share


PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
EMAIL ALERTS
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
Finally
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)


RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article Salvator Mundi
Not the painting but the Person
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/7/17
When the Newsman Becomes News
Lamenting yet another fallen hero
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/1/17
Let's Hear It for Moms and Pops
Celebrating Small Business Saturday in a very personal way
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/22/17
An Earthquake in La La Land
Examining what's been exposed in the rubble
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/17/17
Where is God?
Reflecting on the tragedy in a little Texas town
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/10/17
An All Saints Day Tribute
Remembering those who left us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/3/17
A Mighty Fortress was His God
Remembering the legacy of Martin Luther 500 years later
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 10/27/17

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.


RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?
Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2017 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top