Home
Loading
  Contact Us    
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names

and other Random One Liners

by Dear Jon
June 8, 2010

Bookmark and Share
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names

Now that Drosselmeyer has won the Belmont I'm looking to place all my money on any 3 year-old filly that's named "The Dying Swan."

Still this is no reason to name a colt "The Nutcracker." A gelding, maybe.

I don't care who you are or where you come from or what you believe, no one has any business naming a colt "The Dying Swan." Go ahead and name him "Billy Elliot."

That's three jokes for the triple crown, which is old news since it ran its last leg three days ago. Let's talk current news, with the basketball finals. It's the Celtics versus the Lakers. Wait a minute, I must be back in my old news files....

I'm pretty sure you can find a few Celtic persons in Boston. But who can show me a lake in Los Angeles?

The Blackhawks and Flyers are in a fight for the Stanley Cup. Actually, both teams are so good they find time to play hockey.

Blackhawks fever is sweeping Chicago. All over the north suburbs kids are going on summer break and their parents are hauling them around in Lexus CRV's looking for hockey lessons, and their moms are dressing like Sarah Palin. Plus on Chicago's south side kids are becoming really curious about hockey.  All the time they're saying, "Hockey? What's that?"

Speaking of ice, why don't we just freeze the Gulf of Mexico?

How many aid ships does it take to feed Gaza for a week? That depends, are the mortar tubes hollow or filled with corn meal?

Helen Thomas represented an era: of biased, partisan journalism.  She was ahead of her time, then in her time, then behind her time. Now she is back in fashion as someone officially "over." Does her resignation mean she will stop dying her hair?

Who gets that front row seat now? You know those automatic machines that launch tennis balls so that players can practice returning serves? Helen Thomas can be replaced by a machine like that--one that slings mud.

What if Hamas declared peace with Israel and acknowledged its innate and internationally validated right to exist? While we are on the topic of dreaming impossible dreams, what if cars ran on salt water and emitted oxygen as their exhaust? What if consumers spent less than they earned?  What if wooden puppets could come to life and grow their noses when they lie? What if the Chicago Cubs moved to Toledo? What if new by-passes were built before old roads got fixed? What if old roads got fixed one at a time instead of all at once? What if the sun rose in the west and set in the east? What if Al and Tipper got divorced? Hey, I'm on a role! And...

Oh.

I have an idea: What if the United States declared a "reciprocity agreement" with all other nations concerning immigration? In other words, we will require of immigrants from Mexico or China exactly the same as what Mexico or China requires of immigrants from the United States! Wow! Mutual respect and fairness and....

Is that the sunrise? What direction am I facing?

I'm trying to think of sexy gender-based humor, but I've got Helen Thomas stuck in my head. Sorry folks. I'll try to be funnier/edgier/sexier next week. You can help me along by writing letters.

Yes. The sun IS rising in my face and I am DEFINITELY facing west! 

 

 

(0 Comments)
Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*


Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Location:


Comments:*
Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.



Verification:
Please type the letters you see above.

  Printer-Friendly

Bookmark and Share


PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
EMAIL ALERTS
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
Finally
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
Sort 426: The Insanity of Inanity
and other reflections on Alaska's ex
by Dear Jon, 4/27/10
» Complete List (462)


RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article May I Be Frank, Mr. President?
Challenging a double standard in the Oval Office
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/15/17
Salvator Mundi
Not the painting but the Person
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/7/17
When the Newsman Becomes News
Lamenting yet another fallen hero
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/1/17
Let's Hear It for Moms and Pops
Celebrating Small Business Saturday in a very personal way
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/22/17
An Earthquake in La La Land
Examining what's been exposed in the rubble
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/17/17
Where is God?
Reflecting on the tragedy in a little Texas town
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/10/17
An All Saints Day Tribute
Remembering those who left us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/3/17

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.


RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?
Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2017 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top