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A Letter from a 'Good-Looking Man'

by Dear Jon
May 21, 2002

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Sort 140_Dear Jon-A Letter from a 'Good-Looking Man' ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Dear Jon,
The CIA and the FBI don't coordinate with one another. The INS and the IRS don't coordinate with each other. Perhaps I'm cynical, but I'm not shocked. Obviously it's unlikely that anyone could have predicted that hijacked planes would be used as missles on Sept. 11th (regardless of previous intelligence collected). My question to you is this: If the folks in the news media are trying their best to persuade the masses that the government is negligent by not alerting the public of a possible threat (even though the true event could not be foreseen) through their sensationalized reporting of it, why aren't the people responding with outrage? Could it be that people aren't as quick to place blame as they used to be? I find that hard to believe.

Casper Milktoast
Chicago, IL


Dear Milk,

What a great question for the forums!


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Do you really think that 99% of men are "funny looking" to women? Funny looking how? Do we look like clowns? Do we amuse them?? What sort of scientific basis do you have for this statement?

Semi-sincerely,
One of the good-looking men


Dear Looking,

Men have hairy feet and our heads are too big and our butts are flat. Don’t get me started on our noses. We don’t know how to dress, by the way. If we are tanned and muscular and blow-dried and dressed well, chances are 1 in 3 that we are no longer funny-looking--provided we keep our clothes on. Men in the good-looking one percent are able to strip without being funny-looking; most of these men are already models, strippers, and actors. Now, guess the ratio out of THAT group of men who are gay.

It only makes sense that most men would find most women attractive enough, as Wilder says, “for normal purposes,” while most women would find most men funny-looking. This, plus the general sexual appetite in which men desire sex four times a day while women desire sex four times a year, compensates for the disparity in brute physical strength and levels the relationship. The average woman’s ability to summon tears for no reason stacks the relational deck in her favor, leaving most men with just one card to play: The ability to lift a heavy box on to a raised shelf.

In civilized society, this lays the foundation for mating rituals we call “romance.” The woman is now able to control the timing in a lot of things. She is now able to make her funny-looking suitors behave in certain ways so as to make themselves vastly more appealing than they are in their natural male ways. Men, being motivated (desperate) and goal-centered (really desperate), comply, which is called “being romantic.”

This still does not resolve the dispute of whether certain activities can only take place in the dark. If you really ARE one of the “good-looking ones,” the issue of lights on or lights off has never been brought to your attention. If it has been brought to your attention, I suggest you buy a new mirror.

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