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Crazy Patriots

by Dear Jon
June 4, 2002

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Sort 144_Dear Jon-Crazy Patriots ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Is there ever a time when it's appropriate to "go crazy," or is that just a myth spread by Prince and athletic coaches?

Yours truly,
Feeling a little crazy


Dear Ling,

There are times when going crazy or being crazy are appropriate in the sense that the athletic coaches intend. What athletic coaches want are people who are crazy enough to forget themselves for the sake of the team. This is the kind of “crazy” that drill sergeants want to instill in the members of a military unit.

What Prince, who is now the Artist Formerly Known As Prince, intended by “go crazy” is almost never appropriate. As a representative of the trends in popular culture, Prince is encouraging people to think only of themselves, even if it means engaging in “crazy” behaviors that diminish or destroy the social fabric.

What you must do, therefore, is smash all the evil pop music c.d.s in your house, and send your kids to a military academy.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

With all the patriotism flying around these days, especially with the summer holidays (Memorial Day, Flag Day, 4th of July), we see the American flag displayed quite frequently. My question is, are all these displays respectful? I am particularly concerned about how the American flag is displayed in clothing. Should we allow flags (or flag patterns) to be made into jackets, pants, etc.? What about women who wear stars and stripes bikinis? Should we force them to take them off?

Sincerely,
Flag Waver


Dear Flag,

People who drape themselves in the flag generally do so because they desire to send a message about their own patriotism and national identity. I say, honor such people for their heart, and respect their liberty, which is why our flag flies. So stars and stripes bikinis are fine with me; I honor the heart that can be seen in a woman who wears patriotic beachwear.

This attitude is a lot different from, say, the American Flag on toilet paper.

I have plenty of advice and opinions about Old Glory and its display. First of all, a lot of flags in our nation need to be burned. Burning a flag is actually the appropriate protocol for flags that are frayed, tattered, or dirty beyond redemption. Too many such flags are hanging at gas stations and convenience stores. I urge every store manager to take a look at the flags they display. If they are displaying the red, gray, and blue, it is time to destroy the flag and get a new one.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Do you have any advice for a senior employee who likes his job, but it looks as though his bosses may be trying to discourage him and other senior employees out, maybe because they are paid more for the same work as cheaper employees? Is this a trend, do you know?

Signed, UNEASY


Dear Sy,

Yes, it is a trend. Take a look at your life, your dreams and goals, and start networking.

We need more writers at the Partial Observer, so you can consider that as a career move. Of course, nobody gets paid here, but the personal, spiritual benefits are tremendous. As I complete this article I am thinking to myself, “What a relief. I don’t have to feel the crushing weight of meeting deadlines for the Webmaster until Friday, now.” Relief is a great spiritual benefit.

By the way, I think this has run me out of Dear Jon letters. We need more. If you haven’t seen yours published, it is because it either never got to me or I deleted it by accident and then forgot I ever saw it. So keep them coming. The Webmaster is already claiming that I have used up my personal days off.

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