Home
Loading
  Contact Us    
Sort 173

Where There's Smoke...

by Dear Jon
September 20, 2002

Bookmark and Share


Sort 173_Dear Jon-Where There's Smoke... ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

I was wondering if you would care to comment on the demise of "Rosie" magazine?

Signed,
Rosy no more


Dear Rosy,

No, I would not.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

How come we don't see cigarette commercials on TV? I see plenty of anti-tobacco ads; shouldn't tobacco companies be allowed to advertise their side? What happened to the first amendment??

Sincerely,
Wants to watch Smoke


Dear Smoke,

Boy, are YOU a jerk. Let me fill you in on some things that EVERYBODY knows.

Top Ten Assumptions Regarding Constitution and Culture:
  1. Everybody knows that “equal time,” even if not explicitly stated in the U.S. Constitution, was intended by the framers, and even if it was not, it is certainly necessary in these times.

  2. Everybody knows that the Two-Party Hegemony that exists in U.S. politics, even if not explicitly stated in the U.S. Constitution, was intended by the framers, and even if it was not, it is certainly necessary in these times.

  3. After all, what else could possibly be meant by “balance of powers” other than a balance between Americans who vote Republican and Americans who vote Democrat?

  4. “Freedom of Speech,” as EVERYBODY knows, applies to FORCING private media enterprises to give “equal time” to Republican and Democrat candidates during election campaigns.

  5. “Freedom of Speech” in terms of equal time, does NOT apply to so called “third” or, more appropriately, “lunatic fringe parties,” who are practically never invited to the media-arbited “debates” which, as everyone knows, were never intended to be debates at all.

  6. “Freedom of Speech,” you naive twit, has a “literal” meaning which you seem to take seriously, but its INTENDED meaning can be interpreted by executive order and non-elected judges to preserve the peace and security of these blessed United States and the governing bodies thereof.

  7. It has been determined that “freedom of speech” does not apply to private tobacco corporations purchasing advertising space from private media outlets, because tobacco is a Public Health Issue. Neither does the principle of “equal time.” Everybody knows that, including practically every Republican and Democrat you talk to, which means that our balance of powers has not gotten in the way of sensible policy.

  8. Besides, these tobacco companies are subsidized by state and federal government, so it is not like they even NEED to sell their products to the American public. The Chinese public is a fine market, and they can buy all the advertising space in China that they want.

  9. There is absolutely no contradiction between the federal government preventing tobacco ads on television, and the federal government paying farmers in Kentucky and North Carolina to grow tobacco. Everybody can live with that because it makes perfect sense, except you because you’re a dork.

  10. Thank God for beer and coffee commercials, and ads that sell “perscription strength” pain killers and sleep aides, or none of us would have any idea where to get the buzzes we need.

(0 Comments)
Post a Comment

Send Us Your Opinion
(Comments are moderated.)
Your Name:*


Your E-Mail Address:*
(Confidential. Will not be published.)


Location:


Comments:*
Note: In order to control automated spam submissions, URLs are no longer permitted in this form.



Verification:
Please type the letters you see above.

  Printer-Friendly

Bookmark and Share


PO BOOKS BY DEAR JON
Dear Jon Letters: Tips for Dating and Mating
Temporarily Unavailable
Published July 21, 2008

Our advice humorist turns his attention and trademark wit to affairs of the heart in his first and very affordable book (only $8.95!).

More Information
RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon
EMAIL ALERTS
Sign up to receive an e-mail notice when new articles by this author are published. Your address remains confidential, and you may cancel at any time. A confirmation email will be sent.

Your e-mail address:
Sort 173
po Books
Now Available!

Teachings of a Three Year Old... Turned Tyke,
by Hal Evan Caplan.

A father learns from the wisdom of his toddler.

More Information.

More by Dear Jon
Sort 433: Going on Sabbatical
Miss Me? Let me know!
by Dear Jon, 6/15/10
Sort 432: Jokes and Horse Names
and other Random One Liners
by Dear Jon, 6/8/10
Sort 431: Piggy Tossing
and the new touring show: "Lord of the Flies."
by Dear Jon, 6/1/10
Sort 430: Forwarding Fear
Spam with a side of mashed logic
by Dear Jon, 5/25/10
Sort 429, Mixing Oil and Water
is like mixing politics and humor. All you get is a sticky mess and a lot of upset environmentalists.
by Dear Jon, 5/18/10
Sort 428: Handling the Truth
And other lessons for cable channels
by Dear Jon, 5/11/10
Sort 427: Dear Jon Knew When to Shut Up
Finally
by Dear Jon, 5/4/10
» Complete List (462)


RSS FEED
RSS Feed for Dear Jon: RSS Feed for Dear Jon

Recently Published
View Article Salvator Mundi
Not the painting but the Person
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/7/17
When the Newsman Becomes News
Lamenting yet another fallen hero
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 12/1/17
Let's Hear It for Moms and Pops
Celebrating Small Business Saturday in a very personal way
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/22/17
An Earthquake in La La Land
Examining what's been exposed in the rubble
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/17/17
Where is God?
Reflecting on the tragedy in a little Texas town
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/10/17
An All Saints Day Tribute
Remembering those who left us
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 11/3/17
A Mighty Fortress was His God
Remembering the legacy of Martin Luther 500 years later
by Greg Asimakoupoulos, 10/27/17

Get the Partial Observer's
'recently published' headlines via RSS.


RSS Feed for Recently Published PO Articles    What is RSS?

Reproduction of original material from The Partial Observer without written permission is strictly prohibited.
The opinions expressed by site contributors do not necessarily reflect those of the editors.
Copyright ©2000-2017 partialobserver.com. All rights reserved.
Home · Site Map · Top