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Super Bowl 37: A Pirate Shipwreck

What Else Was There to Do?


by Oche Dremon
January 28, 2003

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Super Bowl 37: A Pirate Shipwreck_Oche Dremon-What Else Was There to Do? On Sunday, January 26, we witnessed the thrashing of the Oakland Raiders by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Between these two pirate clans, the ones in the gaudy colors won the battle and forced the Raiders to walk the plank.

I give three stars to the hype; this was a game I wanted to watch because it was another example where truth is stranger than fiction. A coach leaves one team and goes to another, and then faces the old team in the Super Bowl the very next season!

Add the twist that one of the key offensive linemen is disciplined by his coach and NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY, and we have all we need for a movie. Of course, in a movie, it is our hero the coach of the new team that has to send home his pro-bowl center; this is part of winning over the audience with the coach's character and integrity.

Also, in this scenario, of course, the opposing teams should be in a battle of wits that goes down to the last play. In the movies, championship football games always come down to the last play.

Instead, what happened is that the coach of the old team, facing the best defensive line in the NFL, did not allow his center to play. Also, the coach of the new team knew exactly what the strengths, weaknesses, and game plan of his old team would be. Gruden was smarter than all the Raiders put together. He also had Dexter Jackson, Simeon Rice, Dexter Brooks and Warren Sapp playing against a make-shift offensive line.

Was that critical, or not? I lost count of the number of times NFL MVP quarterback Rich Gannon was sacked, hurried and pressured by the Buccaneers. This is because I needed all the fingers on one hand to count the number of interceptions, and most of those to count the number returned for touchdowns.

What made the game unique is that the Buccs defense scored three touchdowns. Safety Dexter Jackson was the game's MVP; you don't see that happen very often. That was not enough to make the game entertaining.

I was about to rip on the Buccs defense for shamelessly rolling up the score with time running out, and then I thought: Dremon, don't be an idiot. They're the DEFENSE.

In addition, Super Bowl commercials have moved from "New Economy" optimism to retreads. What stood out? The commercial with Michael Jordan and Jackie Chan made me think of other things that don't belong together, like pretzels with salsa and pizza made with fish, or Ozzy Osbourne with Mrs. Brady, except that was really funny even if Ozzy acts no better than he sings.

So the Budweiser lizard is old hat. Do you mean to tell me that Blockbuster Video could not afford one commercial featuring the guinea pig and the rabbit? Not one? Or was I getting more chip dip at the time?

I used to watch "Alias." Then they decided to make a perfectly cool spy drama with a strong female lead and brooding sub-plot into a Victoria's Secret commercial. Forget it. There is not a single show on ABC that this Super Bowl made me want to watch.

And by the way, Gwen Stefani, when Sting sings, please shut up.

The lesson learned is: never face your old coach in a championship game. Another lesson learned by ABC is that not even John Madden can liven up blow-outs, and that is what they have served up all season long on Monday nights. Remember the ABC games in the wild card round? Hint: Think the Colts and Packers. I give this Super Bowl and its commercials and the ABC network and this whole football season one star.

On the other hand, what else am I going to do? Watch figure skating? Read? Super Bowls are like James Bond movies: You keep watching them long after you realize there is no point.

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Super Bowl 37: A Pirate Shipwreck
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