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Christmas Sort

Three Christmas Letters

by Dear Jon
December 21, 2000

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Christmas Sort_Dear Jon-Three Christmas Letters Dear Jon: Do you believe in the Christmas Holiday enough that you will not run a new column on Monday, December 25TH? Sincerely, Christmas Celebrant.

Dear Celeb: What a great idea! On Christmas Day, log in to your favorite sorts and experience the joy of nostalgia.


Dear Jon: At this time of year, many religions celebrate many different things. Should Christmas still be a national holiday? Sincerely, M.M.at O'Hare.

Dear M.M.: Aren't you sneeky. Here I thought this was a letter from the famous atheist M.M. O'Hare, but its M.M. AT O'Hare. So I won't fall for your little trap. Of COURSE December 25th should continue to be a national holiday. I predict that in my lifetime, it is going to be renamed, "The Winter Solstice and New Year's Holidays," as a concession to the final triumph of Julian paganism in North America. While adherents to major religions will continue to do their things on the dates they do them, atheists, secularists, and assorted miscellaneous animistic new agers, will burn their candles to the 34th Street Elf God. Why not? That is what it has come to anyway, and there is no way the government is going to bankrupt retailers and anger consumers by taking away this midwinter shopping and sales tax orgy.


Dear Jon, So what is the real meaning of Christmas? Sincerely, A Seeker of Truth.

Dear Seeker: An unwed homeless teenager had to have her baby in a barn because no one cared and no one shared. That baby happened to be the Son of God. The same baby grew up, returned to homelessness, and in a political deal he was executed for crimes he did not commit. After all, you can imagine how uncomfortable God must be to the middle class when He appears as a homeless person and then presumes to get in their face. That's Dear Jon for you, what a comic riot. Ho ho ho, Merry Assorted Religious Observances, and race you to the check-out line.

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