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Sort 223

This one is not very funny.

by Dear Jon
July 1, 2003

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Sort 223_Dear Jon-This one is not very funny. ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Is being anti-Israel the same as being anti-Semitic?

Sincerely,
Neither of the above


Dear Neither,

That depends on who is asking and why. If you are “neither of the above” then chances are you are pro-Israel and pro-Semitic, so you join the Anti-defamation League in their caution that statements that are anti-Israel point to deeper anti-Semitic bigotry.

I believe that Israel has as much right to exist as does Pakistan and Kuwait. All of these nations came into existence in the post-colonial partitioning of the Middle East and Central Asia. All of these nations attempt to recover threads of glory once known in antiquity. All of these nations claim an integral right to self-government based on a coherence of identity and loyalty rooted in an ancient and arcane pre-colonial world.

Does this make me pro-Israel? The person who believes that Pakistan’s existence is moral while Israel’s existence is immoral, will no doubt assume that I am a Zionist. However, I do not applaud when Israeli bulldozers topple the homes of Muslim and Christian Palestinians in order to build trailer-park “settlements?” I do not applaud when Israelis elect hard-liners. Am I now on the ADL’s “watch” list?

Anti-Israel terrorists love it when Israel when Israel hard-liners, because peace becomes that much more of a remote possibility. When dovish Prime Minister Ehud Barak put a popular and generous offer on the table, Arafat subverted the process because Arafat is anti-Israel and did not want to see a lasting peace. Arafat single-handedly set back the peace process, and is responsible for the deaths of thousands and for the election of Ariel Sharon.

Sharon never hid his Zionist extremism; Palestinians serious about peace knew that terrorist acts would pave the way for Sharon’s election, set back their statehood by years, and force them to finally accept something much less than Barak’s first negotiating position. Nevertheless, the Al-Aksa Martyrs Brigade went to work for Arafat, and disgusted Israelis elected Sharon. I do not blame the Israeli electorate. Of all the villains in the drama of the last three years, Arafat is the biggest and the worst and the stupidest for setting Sharon up for power.

What do you think, ADL? Am I a friend or a foe?


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

Can I still protest the war in Iraq? Or is it too late because the war is "over?"

Sincerely,
Protesting Bob


Dear Pro,

It is too late to protest the war. It will NEVER be too late to protest the occupation.


ACTUAL LETTER TO DEAR JON:

Dear Jon,

How come we never hear of a "left-wing" conspiracy? Seems all we hear about are right-wing conspiracies. That seems pretty suspicious to me; might the left-wing being trying to smokescreen us with their accusations because they don't want us to notice what they're doing? Sounds like a left-wing conspiracy to me!

Sincerely,
Watching the Left


Dear Left,

“Right-wing” and “left-wing” are no longer genuine distinctions in American politics. Classically, the “right-wing” referred to a zeal for pro-royalty patriotism and the conviction of laissez-faire economics, blended together with xenophobic tribalism. The right-wing believed that the people lucky enough to be born with property had the right to exploit the unlucky people who were not. The Chile of Pinochet is an example of a right-wing state.

The “left-wing” referred to those who sympathized with a pan-international loyalty to the unpropertied working class and the conviction of socialist economics, blended together with a plebian disregard for aesthetics and reason. The left-wing believed that the working class had the right to exploit people with brains and initiative, first of all by reducing their standard of living, and then by forcing them to be creative at gun-point. This grand experiment in zero-sum economic assumptions, failed, leading to the bankruptcy of the U.S.S.R. and the poverty of millions.

Thanks to the hybridization that occurs in democracy, the U.S. is now making sure that both right-wing and left-wing agendas are being served. Thus, a bloated federal government continues to bribe voters with minimum-wage laws, tax “credits,” unemployment insurance, and insurance on bank deposits while continuing to give its nod to patriotic tribalism through imperialistic adventuring.

Neither right-wing nor left-wing, I propose that the two dominant political parties in the U.S. represent a super-wing defined by imperialism abroad and a domestic policy that equates consumption with patriotic duty. The right-wing devotion to bribing the capitalists with subsidies is tempered by the left-wing devotion to bribing voters with “entitlements.” The result of super-wing politics is that the U.S. must expand its resource and capital base. In other words, the U.S. must expand with its economy.

The super-wing conspiracy is a conspiracy to stay in power. This conspiracy is largely unplanned and subconscious, but it is insidious. The entertainment industry and especially the movie industry, driven by capitalist interests, are selling pro-consumption propaganda to the public. The news media is often critical of the federal government, but only of its execution of super-wing assumptions: the news media is largely uncritical of the assumptions themselves. Thus, the news media will report on failing public schools, not as an indictment of a system of super-wing indoctrination, but as an indictment on the failure of government to adequately fund these propaganda centers.

The incorrect assumption in superwing politics is the same incorrect assumption represented on the right and on the left. This assumption is that, by being born, you have the right to exploit someone else according to your needs. The exploited in super-wing politics are the tax-payers. In a super-wing democracy, the irony is that the exploiters are, when all is said and done, the tax-payers themselves, who vote according to their super-wing indoctrination to keep the super-wing in power.

We need to move from the superwing to the wingless. Were we to remove the wings from our federal government, maybe it would keep its feet on the ground.

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