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Tales from a Tall-Tale-Tellin' Tennessean

The Cat-tle Ranch.

by Donna Guffey
August 16, 2003

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Tales from a Tall-Tale-Tellin' Tennessean_Donna Guffey-The Cat-tle Ranch. Hello again, Folks...

Welcome to The Wildwood Ranch! Just thought I'd let all you good folks know that we are now a workin' Cat-tle Ranch! That's right... but I'm afraid there might just be more "work-IN" it than we thought! We're runnin' about 28 head now, to my way of countin', and I'm here to tell you folks, it is sure enough keepin' us busy (when we're not on-stage, of course!) The feedin' alone is costin' us a fortune!! But that's the way of it when you're runnin' a Cat-tle Ranch!

The "Head Honcho" of this here bunch of critters is one mean dude we call "Luverly", because he's anything BUT loverly! He's Big - He's Mean - He's Dangerous - and he is indeed the "King"! Every "lass" within his eyesight is downright enamored of His Majesty! And all these pretty ladies have proved it repeatedly this Spring by having little Princes and Princesses who look just like him...White with black and gray markings!

Now Luverly runs his domain with an iron will and any young whippersnapper who dares to trespass on his territory is in for a terrible surprise! Luverly does not tolerate invasions or excursions into HIS realm. Not only does he START the battle... he also FINISHES it! The most horrible sounds echo across the land when one of these episodes occur! Roars of challenge... screams of rage... and finally whimpers of defeat and submission! I'm tellin' you... it'll set you right straight up in the bed in the middle of the night when the battle begins! It's almost as bad as one of the "Romances"!! Sometimes I even have to go out the back door and shoot a load of buckshot straight up into the air to get 'em to hush up and let me get back to sleep! Not that it really does any good. Seems like the only one who can handle Luverly... is Miss Lilly Langtree!! She's our best Cat-tle Dog!

Miss Lilly is sure a go-getter! She doesn't have any idea that she's a lot smaller than Luverly - and Luverly doesn't have a clue either! He'll just stand there lookin' at her with his head lowered and ready for battle! You can almost see the electricity in the air between them! Miss Lilly circles Luverly cautiously at first, gettin' closer with every turn - then snarlin' and snappin' , Miss Lilly lets loose and you ain't NEVER seen nothin' run like Luverly runs then! Nope! Luverly don't like Miss Lilly AT ALL! And Miss Lilly does seem to pick on Luverly - sort of. She don't chase the "ladies" much - maybe because they ignore her totally, unless of course, she gets too close to one of their little ones! Then they stand their ground and dare Miss Lilly to get within strikin' distance! But Miss Lilly knows her limitations and doesn't get too close! It's just poor ole Luverly that receives the brunt of her malice! She just don't like him one little bit!

Now I guess ya'll might be wonderin', since we're so busy with all our singin' and performin'... why in the world we decided to become a workin' cat-tle ranch, with a cat-tle dog and 28 critters to take care of? Well actually, we didn't have much of a choice! They just came here and well - we just couldn't let 'em go hungry! And they're so wild that we can't catch 'em to tame 'em - and actually Luverly, although he's the meanest, is also the most tame. At least he'll come up to us and let us pet him. He'll rub up against us and want some more pettin'! He just LOVES to have his ears scratched! Purrs up a storm when we do that! And then he'll just wrap himself around our ankles and ask for more!!!

What was that? How can a bull do that?? A Bull?? A BULL??? You don't think I'd get that close to a BULL do you?? I'm not CRAZY!!! Luverly?? No... He's not a bull!! He's a cat! Yes... a CAT!! A cattle ranch??? Wherever in the world did you get THAT idea?? No... I didn't say cattle ranch... I said "Cat-tle Ranch"... you know... CATS!! Stray CATS!! They came here from everywhere 'cause they knew they'd get fed here! Miss Lilly Langtree??? She's a toy Chihuahua who torments Luverly daily!! She's our "Cat-tle Dog"! What was that again?? Tall Tales?? ME??? Of all things...!!! I just can't believe you'd think such a thing!!! Huhpf!!! If we weren't such good friends... I do believe I could get a bit miffed over that remark!!!

Good Day to you Too!!

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